A Bay Window View
by majorfaith
Summary: I wrote this J and B story in 2009-2010 but I never posted it on this site. It is 8 years after Bella and Edward's wedding in Breaking Dawn. Did Edward really love Bella? Did he have other plans in mind for her? Did Bella make the right choice when she chose Edward over her own personal sun? Bella is 27 and Jacob is 26 now...is it too late for them? Read and see!
1. Chapter 1

Tags: Imprint/Jacob/Bella/Wolves/Fiction M

_**A Bay Window View**_

_**CHAPTER ONE**_

**_'Heading home to find my own personal sun'_**

_**Bella's POV**_

It had been eight years since I left my hometown of Fork's Washington. It had

also been eight years since I last stepped foot in La Push. La Push was my

home away from home. It was where I had left most of my heart; I left it wit

h my soul mate…my own personal sun. I left to be with someone that felt I

couldn't bear to live or _**not live**_ without…Edward, what in the hell was I

thinking? A huge mistake is what it was; I figured this out later…much later.

Driving back to my dad's house in Forks, I could barely see through the tears

filling my eyes and threatening to spill over at any moment.

I turned onto Forks highway hoping with all of my heart that my dad and my

Jacob could forgive me and allow me to make things right again. I had no idea

what they had been doing for the past eight years of their lives; we had been

living separate lives, far away from one another. I knew that I couldn't do this

alone.

I said a silent prayer…

_"Please God, Don't let it be too late. Please, let me have the opportunity to _

_make things right."_ I wondered, _'Had Jake gone to college? Was he still _

_phasing? Has he found someone who loves him the way that I should have?'_ I

cringed at the last question on my mind but I knew in my heart that I had to

know the answer. I began to think of Charlie, _'Is he still police chief? Did he _

_have a woman in his life?'_ Just as I was pondering over my thoughts, I saw it…

our two story white Farm House with lap siding.

I slowed my car down to a crawl and looked up at the big window leading to my

bedroom, remembering the two men in my life that had entered through that

very window so many times before. The vampire that would sneak in to watch

me sleep and My Jacob, My Best friend and beautiful russet colored wolf who

would come, simply because he was being drawn there. He had always said that

he could hear my heartbeats calling out to him from miles away. I wondered if

he could hear my heart beating now. I shook my head knowing that I was being

completely ridiculous. _'Have I caused him so much pain that nothing I say or do _

_will be enough to heal him? Was our connection broken down a long time ago? _

_Had time built a wall between us that could never be torn down?' _ I hopelessly

wondered.

The house looked almost as it had before I left, except there were beautiful

flowers planted all around the front of the house. _'Could it be that our home had _

_a women's touch now or did Charlie spend his extra time now… gardening? _

_Charlie was never the kind of guy that would garden before.'_ I wondered. I

pulled into the driveway and noticed that there weren't any cars in the drive, and

by the hour I could only guess that Charlie was out of town. _'This will work out _

_well. It will give me time to see Jake before Charlie comes back.' _ I knew that I

needed to figure some things out. I knew there was a good chance that I was

setting myself up for more heart break and that there was a distinct possibility

that I might need some time to deal with my feelings before I saw Charlie. I

knew that it would be hard, but I was ready to face the two most important men

that had ever been in my life. I was ready to try with everything in me to make

things right.

In that moment I looked at our open shed and there it was, my truck. I

absolutely loved that truck. In eight years time, I had owned six different sports

cars. Edward insisted that we keep up appearances at all times. We were

pretending to have the perfect marriage and the perfect life; that was a very

small part of the deception that was going on. I wouldn't have traded my old

truck for any one of those cars; they were merely symbols of the horrid life I was

trapped in. It was a hopeless existence.

The memories of Jake started pouring through my mind. I got out of my car and

went over to my old trusty truck; I opened the door and realized that not only

did it look just the way I had left it; someone had polished it inside and out.

Someone had been taking care of my truck. _'Why? Was someone keeping it up _

_in hopes that I would return, or was Charlie getting the truck ready to sell?_' I

pondered over these thoughts as I got in my truck. Sitting behind the steering

wheel I felt a hot tear begin to make its way down my cheek, betraying me once

again as my mind began to whirl around the memories of all that had happened

in my life before I left Forks.

When I left Washington I had chosen Edward and eternity. He was beautiful,

strong, powerful, and wise beyond years. I chose Edward Cullen over my best

friend, my soul mate, my sunshine, my protective russet colored wolf. Jacob

was beautiful in a very masculine sort of way, he would make any girl fall to her

knees, just to have him look her way. My Jacob had dark hair, russet colored

skin, an eight pack that was pure perfection, strong shoulders, perfect white

teeth and a smile that would knock your socks right off your feet. He was the

picture of male perfection but what made him even more desirable was the fact

that Jacob seemed to be oblivious to his perfection and his effect on the opposite

sex. I finally realized that I was in love with Jake but by the time that I did, it

was too late and I was fooled into thinking that it wasn't enough. Edward was

back in my life again and I wanted nothing more than to be with him forever.

I realized that making that decision meant leaving my dad, my mom and my

Jacob, never to see any of them again. I wanted Edward so desperately that it

all seemed worth it to me somehow. I would like to say that Edward had me

under some kind of spell, but the guilt in my soul won't allow me to give myself

that kind of out. No, I had to take responsibility for my actions. Everything that

I have had to endure since I left with Edward, I brought on myself. I am ready

to take full responsibility for every bit of it.

Edward had promised to love and protect me. That was one of the many lies

told to me by Edward Cullen. I made an agreement with Edward when I was

eighteen years old, which turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. Even

today, I cringe anytime I think about it. I agreed to marry Edward and move to

Alaska with him. In return, he would change me and give me the life I longed

for. I wanted to be a beautiful Cullen and spend eternity with Edward.

Regardless of how I felt about Edward, I loved my Jake and I couldn't stay away

from him. I spent a lot of my time in La Push with Jake. I knew that Jake loved

me more deeply than I loved him, but still I was drawn to him and I needed him

desperately. I needed him in a completely different way than I needed Edward.

When I spent time with Jacob I felt complete. He was my other half, my soul

mate. I felt at home with Jake. When I was with Edward it was more like I was

living in a fairytale. If I could go back in time I would definitely choose feeling at

home over the fairytale-any day of the week.

When I was in Edward's presence I was confident in my decisions. When

Edward was around I never once questioned the choice that I had made. On the

days that I spent time with Jake I second guessed my decisions a lot. I knew

with Jacob my life would be as easy as breathing. I knew that I wouldn't have to

change my life for him; he already fit into it perfectly. I could have children with

Jacob and grow old with him. However, at the end of the day I would sadly

have to leave La push and head back to my house. I could always count on

Edward waiting for me in my room. Looking back it was almost as if he were

guarding me. Soon after I returned each time it took only five minutes alone

with Edward before I'd be right back where I started; completely in love with

Edward and completely confident that I was making the right choices for my

life. Each time that I left La Push, I could see the fear and dread in Jake's eyes.

He must have known that he'd been making some headway with me. However,

he also knew that as soon as I returned back to Edward, all that he had

accomplished would be gone. Jake loved me though and every time I left, he

gave me his signature smile and breathtakingly wonderful hug.

I didn't appreciate it or even realize that Jacob always had eyes for me and me

alone. I had been blind to it for so many years. Jake and I met when he was six

and I was seven and even then we completed each other; we finished each

others sentences and felt each others pain as much as we felt our own. Jacob

loved being with me and I loved being with him. Neither of us had ever had a

boyfriend or girlfriend because we never wanted to be apart, we were

inseparable. When my parent's divorce put distance between us I thought that I

would die, but as soon as I returned to live with my dad years later we

practically picked right up where we had left off, that was until Edward came into

my life. It must have been killing Jacob. I was so selfish. I know that if it

would have been the other way around and Jacob had found someone else, I

would have gone crazy with jealousy. I don't think that I could have handled my

Jake being in another woman's arms. Still, I wanted to be with Jacob but I

needed to be with Edward. I wanted it all.

Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I got out of my truck and headed toward the

house, stopping to get the few things that I grabbed before I made my quick

departure. I basically had the dress I was wearing, five pairs of panties, my

purse and my cell phone. Esme made all of my travel arrangements and

arranged the rental car that I would need to have. I basically followed her exact

instructions on what to do to make it back to Forks. I was in no state of mind to

be making my own travel plans. She promised to pack up my things and mail

them to me; they were scheduled to arrive the next morning. Carlisle promised

to have my car shipped to me and when I replied hastily, "No, I don't want to

have any reminders of Edward!" He looked hurt but I knew that he understood

completely. He simply said, "OK Bella. I will make sure that you have another

vehicle by the end of the week. It will be shipped to Charlie's." I remember

giving him a weak smile and then hugged them both. I did manage to thank

them and tell them that I loved them. I knew how deeply they were hurt by the

recent realizations that had presented themselves. I had known about it all for

years, they were only just learning of the horrible, unforgivable things that were

going on under their very own roof. They were in a state of shock, but they

were holding it together for me and I greatly appreciated it.

I walked up the steps and onto the porch, smiling as I noticed the familiar creak

under my feet. I reached the front door and realized that in my haste to leave, I

forgot my key in my dresser drawer. I reached under the farthest rock that

Jacob and I had found on La Push beach; there it was…the spare key. I guessed

that Charlie either forgot that it was there or he didn't feel the need to change

the hide-a-key spot. Something told me that he left it there hoping for my

return and knowing that I would have probably lost my key.

I made my way upstairs. When I opened up my bedroom door, I found that

everything was exactly as I had left it. My walls were still green, my bed was

still adorned with purple sheets and the fluffy blankets sent to me by Renee were

all folded and placed in my rocking chair. I noticed that all of the pictures that I

had left behind of Edward and I had disappeared. I didn't know who had

removed them, but I was very grateful that they had. I continued looking

around the room and I noticed that there were numerous framed photos of Jake

and me. I noticed that my favorite photograph of us was located on my

nightstand. In the photograph I was looking at the person with the camera,

while Jake was looking at me. The look on his face was full of love and

adoration for me. _'How could I have been so blind?'_ I thought. Looking at the

photograph I was amazed that I hadn't noticed how much he seemed to shine in

my presence. The picture had been taken after his transformation. It seemed

that when we were together he was able to relax from the stress that the

changes in his life had put on him. In those moments he seemed to have found

solace in me, setting aside the thoughts of danger and responsibility that were

forced on him at such an early age in his life. If Edward would have allowed me

to move in the direction that I was naturally headed toward, my life would have

been entirely altered. Instead, he familiarized me with and seduced me into a

life of eternity; a life that I found to be full of blood thirst and lies.

I decided to lie down and try to get some much needed rest. I pulled my fluffy

blankets sent to me be Renee over my head and fell into a dream world filled

with warmth, love and my Jacob. There was a beautiful little girl with long dark

brown hair and green eyes, and a handsome little boy with thick black curls,

russet skin and chocolate brown eyes who were also stars in my dream; me

being their mother and Jake being their father. I hoped desperately that I would

never wake up from that dream.

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	2. Chapter 2

**These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers but soon I will filter in some of my **

**own. I think that SM lead her characters down the wrong road, so this story is a **

**continuation so that I can take them where I think they could have and should **

**have gone. I hope that you enjoy it…if you aren't Team Jacob already, hopefully **

**you will think twice about it after reading this. **

**Twilight, New Moon and the wedding in Breaking Dawn are this Jacob and Bella's **

**past with only a few minor changes. This story begins 8 years after Edward and **

**Bella's wedding…I hope that you will like where I take them. **

**Hold on and enjoy the ride!**

**PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take time to comment on my story.**

**It keeps the chapters coming faster!**

**A BAY WINDOW VIEW**

**'HER HEART IS STILL BEATING'**

**CHAPTER TWO**

Jakes POV

I worked third shift and had gotten home at around seven that morning. I came

in stripped down to my t-shirt and boxers and crashed on my bed, happy that I

had decided to replace my king-sized mattress. It was a little firmer, with a very

plush pillow top….finally, comfort. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep as soon

as my head hit the pillow. Unfortunately, it wasn't a restful sleep and five hours

later I was awake and feeling as though I hadn't slept at all. _'These_ _dreams are _

_killing me.'_ I thought.

You would have thought it would be impossible not to sleep soundly on that

mattress, but since they had delivered it that Monday; I had yet to have one

restful nights sleep. My daydreams had kept so much tension in my neck that it

was difficult to relax and the dreams that I was having in sleep kept waking me

in such a state that I wouldn't allow myself to lay back down for fear of falling

back asleep and finishing an awful dream.

It had been my third dream that week and it was only Wednesday. I was

dreaming of my Bells. God, I still love her; I try to lose these feelings but I fear

she will always be too much a part of me to forget. Friends come and go but

soul mates are forever.

For three years or so, I had gotten to where I was only dreaming of Bella about

once a week, no more than two. However, that week she had been on my mind

24/7 and there was nothing that I could do that seemed to change it.

I sat down in the chair near my bed, elbows on knees and face in hands

wondering why this was happening now. '_It probably has something to do with _

_this past weekend and your lack of self control.' my wolf growled. 'Don't go _

_there! You know nothing about what it's been like for me. Not once have you _

_ever tried to see things the way I do.'_ I argued. _'No, I haven't because I don't _

_give a damn about your feelings, Jake. I thought that you had finally realized _

_that I was right and_ _accepted things. I thought that you had finally decided to _

_just accept that being alone was for the best. What is wrong with you Jake?'_

The growling continued_. 'I LOVE BELLS! I love her more than anything in the _

_world. I would die_ _for her, so don't judge me. Trust me, I judge myself _

_enough. I am well aware of my mistakes, but I have been trying my dead level _

_best to move on and live a semi-normal life.' I continued, trying my best to _

_make my wolf understand. 'It is pointless. Toughen up! You, my friend, are _

_weak! Yes, you heard me right Jake! You are weak!'_ In that moment my wolf

stepped back and gave me some much needed space. I remember feeling so

thankful that he had backed off. My wolf was like my conscience, only worse.

He was very opinionated and usually dead on balls accurate. _'It is pointless to_

_try and move on. My wolf is right, I am weak!'_ I surrendered. My wolf decided

he would resign for the time being but I knew he would be kicking my butt again

soon.

It had been eight years since Bells married Edward and moved to Alaska with

him and the rest of the Cullen family. I could not even close my eyes and

pretend to sleep for months after she left. The visions behind my eyes were just

too painful to bear. The memories of all that we shared were amazing, but they

were clouded by the thoughts of danger. Danger that I felt in my heart she

would be facing with Edward.

I knew that she loved the bloodsucker or that she thought she did at least, but I

honestly was naïve enough to think that what we shared would win out in the

end. I don't know what in the hell I was thinking. Bella always did hold the

cards when it came to our relationship and Edward Freakin' Cullen always

seemed to have his way when it came to her.

I knew that Bella and I were meant to be together. Hell, truth be known, I knew

it when I was six years old and she was seven. I never shared that little piece of

information with anyone. I knew at sixteen, sharing that knowledge with any of

my brothers would have lead to my being laughed off the Rez, so I kept that

thought hidden along with a few others; b_eing Alpha_ _does have it's perks I _

_guess.__An Alpha can hide certain thoughts if he so chooses to, however you have_

_to consciously hide your thoughts. Sometimes it becomes just too difficult and _

_you have to let your guard down to concentrate on something more important._

_Sometimes, it just becomes too exhausting to hide your thoughts so _

_you just deal with the fact that wolf telepathy is part of this life that was chosen _

_for us by our ancestors. Sometimes you just have to say, __"It is what it is!" and _

_deal with the jokes from your brothers._ There have only been a handful of

things that I have managed to hide from my brothers and Leah successfully, and

all of them pertain to Bella.

The day that Bella showed up on my porch to tell me that she had chosen to

marry Edward was the best and worst day of my life. I imprinted on Bella that

day, I had been praying every day for over a year to imprint on her and finally it

had happened…I was ecstatic! I would have gladly given my right arm for it.

The imprint happened as she was walking up my dad's front porch steps. I knew

exactly what was happening; I had seen it happen through Sam and Embry's

minds a million times – wolf telepathy you know. The earth moved, my entire

world changed and the only thing that mattered to me was Bella's happiness.

I wanted so badly for Bella to want me as I wanted her. I had talked with her

about imprinting before because I thought that it would be best to be honest

with her and when the time presented itself, I explained it to her when I told her

about the Sam, Emily and Leah. Yes, I was ready to tell her. I knew that she

loved me and I truly thought that she had been holding me at arms length

mainly because she was afraid that I would eventually imprint on someone else

and she would be left heartbroken and alone. I couldn't blame her for that.

Hell, as much as I believed with all my heart that I wouldn't imprint on anyone

else, the reality of what happened to Sam, Leah and Emily was always in the

back of my mind.

I swallowed hard, so hard in fact that Bella probably heard it. With every bit of

courage that I had I began to tell Bella that I imprinted on her, however she

stopped me before I had a chance to even get one word out. Bells knew that I

was fixing to tell her something, so before I could start she had held up her hand

to stop me. She said, _"Me first Jake. I have something important that I need to _

_tell you and if I don't get this out now, while I have the courage, I might never _

_be able to explain. I am so sorry Jake; because I know that what I am fixing to _

_tell you will hurt you."_ I looked into her eyes and realized that they were full of

tears that were beginning to spill down her cheeks. I instinctively reached out

and wiped her tears with my thumbs. My heart was so heavy; it felt as though

there were bricks tied to it. She was my imprint and I couldn't stand to see her

in pain, physical or otherwise. All of a sudden…Bam! I would have rather taken

a bullet, than had to hear the next words that came from her beautiful lips.

There I was… in hell with no way out.

Bella told me that she was going to marry the leech and move to Alaska with

him. Not only was I losing her to Edward, a leech and my sworn enemy; I was

never going to be able to see her again. I would never be able to go to Alaska

and she wouldn't be coming back here…she couldn't, Edward was going to turn

her into one of them. I could just see the smug look on the leech's face. The

one that said, _"I won." _ Like it had all been some kind of game and Bella was the

prize. _'The_ _self-righteous prick…'_ I thought.

Bella and I had talked and debated about almost everything over the previous

year. We pretty much knew each other inside and out. We had talked about

marriage several times and I knew how she felt on the subject. She thought

that it was stupid and pointless. I had always secretly hoped that she would

change her opinion on that, but I kept that to myself. She said that when two

people love one another, they don't need a piece of paper to prove anything. I

didn't completely agree with her, but I tried to understand and respect her

feelings.

My dad told me that Bella's parents were completely mad about each other; they

were crazy in love. Renee got pregnant, had Bella and eventually blamed Charlie

for making her settle down. Renee eventually asked Charlie for a divorce and

moved away, taking Bella with her. Now, Bella didn't hold a high regard to the

importance of marriage and I couldn't completely blame her.

Edward had convinced Bella to marry him. He knew how badly she wanted to be

changed into one of them and he took advantage of that; he is a manipulative

son of a bitch. He promised that if she would marry him, he would in turn

change her into one of them as soon as they returned from their honeymoon.

The honeymoon… even today the thought of it makes every hair on my body

rise, and my heart feel as though it is being torn from my chest. The thought of

him touching my Bells is repulsive to me. I knew the leech was hiding

something all along; I could see it in his eyes and my wolf could feel it in his

bones. Edward's eyes had been filled with deceit, desire, thirst, angst, and

obsession. I hadn't seen the first sign of love or devotion for Bella, only

possessiveness – not an endearing sign of affection if you ask me. My Bells

deserved much more, she deserved the world.

I stepped back, placing my hand over my heart, as I proceeded to make the

hardest decision I had ever made in my life; I would not tell Bella about my

imprinting on her. My wolf disagreed with my decision 100%. He thought my

imprinting on her was the natural course that should be taken. He was furious

with me for letting her run off with a bloodsucker. He begged me to reconsider,

but as per usual, I ignored him and made my own decisions. I made my

decisions from a man's prospective; not a wolves. _'I should have listened to my _

_wolf.' _ I thought.

She was my imprint and I felt that I had to be whatever she needed me to be.

Quill imprinted on a ten year old and he had to be more of an uncle to her than

anything else during the eight years that followed. That wasn't the ideal

situation for Quill, but that is the way that things had to be…for Claire. A week

before Claire finally turned eighteen; Quill realized that he was finally going to

have a real chance with her. He could finally look at her in a romantic way.

When he'd first imprinted on her, the thought of him even seeing a future with

her seemed perverted. Quill had shown me that the kind of relationship that you

have with your imprint is truly up to her. You had to be whatever she needed

you to be…period. What I didn't consider at the time was the fact that Quill and

Claire really didn't have another choice. She was ten, they couldn't have had

any other kind of relationship other than the one they had. If Claire would have

been eighteen I seriously doubt that Quill would have let her run off with a

bloodsucker. I think that he would have been more concerned with her safety,

than being what she needed him to be_. 'Damn it! Why in the hell can't I stop_

_thinking about Bella?'_ I asked myself. It had been years since I had put myself

through this kind of torment.

In all honesty, my decision wasn't solely based on what I felt I had learned from

Quill. I wanted Bella to be with me because she wanted me and needed me. I

didn't want some werewolf magic shit to take her right to choose away from

her. It wasn't an issue for me, I had already chosen her. I didn't feel as though

I was being controlled by the imprinting. I wanted her to love me in the way that

I had always loved her.

I never told anyone of my imprinting on Bella. I decided to keep the information

to myself. I was well aware that Embry had gotten ill with me over the years,

mostly because I blew off many of the women he had set me up with. I was

never able to forget my Bells, not even for a brief moment. I had been on my

share of dates, most of which were during the four years right after Bella left.

Some of them were to try and forget the pain that I was feeling and some of

them were simply for show.

My pack brothers not knowing about my imprinting on Bella had turned out to be

somewhat of a hindrance for me. It made it harder for them to understand my

reasoning for not wanting to be in a real, meaningful relationship with a woman,

which resulted in them tormenting me mercilessly. They didn't hold back, they

made sure they told me what a wuss I was every chance they got.

My wolf didn't care what my reasons were for spending my time with other

women, he was pissed. _'You are being unfaithful to my imprint! You are toying _

_with matches and you will go up in flames. Mark my words!'_ He had told me. I

felt my wolf fighting me every step of the way. He knew that I should only be

with my imprint. Hell, the man in me knew that I shouldn't be with anyone other

than my imprint, but I also knew that being with her would never come to

pass. I still prayed for it, hoped for it, and begged the almighty every damn day

for it, but it had not brought my Bells back to me. I don't even know if she is

dead or alive, human or vampire. I don't even know if she thinks of me or even

remembers me. _'Why am I making myself crazy this week… out of the blue, after _

_all these years?' __I wondered._

The wolf in me wanted to rip Cullen a new one, he wanted to claim and protect

his imprint. He wanted to hold her captive and keep her from turning into one of

their kind. The thought of her going away with that bloodsucker…_'Ugh! I have _

_to give this a rest…_ _I can't figure out why I haven't been able to think of _

_anything other_ _than her all week? This is insane!'_ I thought. _'I told you, it _

_probably has…'_ my wolf began. _'Stop! I told you not to go there.' __I ordered._

There hadn't been a single day that went by when I didn't think of my Bells. That

week was different though. I had no focus; my thoughts of Bella consumed me.

The guys on the force asked me everyday that week what in the hell was up with

me. I didn't tell anyone anything. What would I have told them? Embry had

asked me just as we ended our shift, only five hours before. I told him that I

just hadn't been able to sleep well this week and that it had been taking a toll on

me. It wasn't really a lie. I knew that I would eventually confide the whole truth

in him; he was best friend, my partner and my brother for all intense and

purposes. I had to have time to wade through my thoughts and feelings. I had

to figure out what in the hell was going on with me.

I joined the academy right after I graduated from La Push High School. I had

finished second in my class and because of that and the Native American

scholarships I could have gone to any college I chose to attend with a full ride

and spending money. My teachers were very encouraging, but I knew that I

would never leave the reservation. I had responsibilities and obligations beyond

their comprehension. I had expectations put on me that I was determined to

live up to. There was my dad of course; he would always need my help to a

certain degree. I had an obligation to my pack and to my people. I would

always stay close by and keep an eye on everything. I knew that it was a large

responsibility for a young man to have, but I was my great-grandfather's

grandson and I would live up to the title. I will forever strive to make him and

my father proud of the man I have become.

Charlie, Bella's dad had always been like a second father to me. He felt that I

had a lot going for me and he had heard that I turned down the prospect of

college, against the wishes of all my teachers. Charlie began encouraging me to

join the academy. Joining the Forks Police Department ended up being one of

the best decisions I have ever made. I have been on the force for six years and

I am already expected to step into Charlie's position as soon as he is ready to

retire.

While making my decision to accept the position and begin training at the

academy, I began to weigh things and what I realized was that Charlie had

always been very good at what he did and I was more than willing to learn

everything I could from him. I knew that protecting and serving people is in my

blood and this opportunity was perfect for me. I had and still have the utmost

respect for him and my father; they are men with much knowledge and strength

of character.

I stopped phasing shortly after Bella left with the Cullen's. There hadn't been

any sign of vampires in the area and there wasn't a need for all of us to phase. I

knew that I would always be there for my people, ready to do whatever I

needed to do for them. I felt that as long as there weren't any threats leering

around, I would be satisfied protecting the fine people of Forks.

Quill decided that he would continue phasing. He didn't want to continue aging

while he was waiting for Claire to reach an acceptable dating age. Brody was

the newest in the pack and he loved the power of the wolf. He didn't want to

stop phasing so Quill agreed to keep an eye out for him. I had learned to talk to

Quill and Brody while in my human form, which made it easier for me to keep an

eye on things as well.

_For the millionth time I thought to myself, 'I seriously don't understand why I _

_am thinking about all of this now.'_ Bella had always been in my heart and I

thought of her everyday, but not continuously. I would have gone crazy if I'd

allowed myself to think of her non-stop everyday. I would have gone crazy from

the pain of all that I had lost…all that I had given up. _'Why now?'_ I thought.

_'__It is almost as though I can hear her heartbeat calling out to me. For some _

_reason I can't shake the feeling that she needs me to find her. Am I crazy? I _

_don't think that I am.' __I thought__to myself__. 'You are crazy but you are not _

_imagining things. I can hear her heart beating. You need to let me out, you _

_have kept me dormant long enough Jake. You need to use your wolf senses. _

_**Now!**__'_ My wolf demanded.

'_Your right! I can't stand this another second.' _ I thought. I got out of my chair,

tearing off my black T-shirt and boxers while plowing down my stairs. I ran out

my back door, off my deck and phased in mid air_. 'Oh Shit! I hear it; Bella's_

_heartbeat.'_ I thought. My mind was racing…_'Where is she? She's still human! _

_My_ _mate is here. Oh dear God, have you finally answered my prayers?' _ I

thought as I made my way through the forest. Her heartbeat was strong and

steady, beautiful and relaxing, and it was the most amazingly wonderful sound

that I had ever heard….in my entire life, I had never hoped for anything more.

She was alive!

My paws were digging deep into the soil, the air rushing through my fur and all

my wolf could think of was his reunion with his mate. My mate, my Bells was

only seconds away from me. I could see Charlie's house and I realized that she

was there. _'Yes, she_ _is_ _in her room.'_ I quickly realized. I could tell from the

sound of her steady heartbeat and breathing that she was sleeping. _'She seems _

_at peace.'_ My heart was overflowing with so much relief and joy that I could

barely contain myself.

Once again, I found myself under her big bedroom window…the very window

that I slept under for an entire week after I imprinted on her. Once again, I laid

there listening to her heartbeat, this time thanking God that it was in fact still

beating. I could only hope that it was beating for me.

_'__Did she come back for me? How long_ _has she been here? I will have to ask my _

_dad if she has been by his place, the little red house with the homemade garage _

_where I spent many, many hours with my_ _Bells working on cars and _

_motorcycles. My garage, where we drank warm sodas together, holding hands _

_and falling in love. I wish that she would have realized that we were truly in _

_love.'_ I thought to myself.

I laid there listening to my Bella, basking in the memory of how it felt being near

her. We were always touching in some way, as if we didn't want even air to

come between us. My heart fell every time she would leave La Push and go

back to Forks. I knew that something changed every time she saw Edward. It

was like he had her under some kind of spell. I think that it was a power that he

had over her. I know that it had something to do with being a vampire.

_'__Oh, wait. She is waking up.'_ Her heartbeat and her breathing were both

running rapid. I began to realize that she wasn't content or peaceful at all. She

was in some kind of turmoil. _'She is running now, down the stairs and out her _

_front_ _door. Where is she going? I will follow her and make sure that she is _

_safe. Now that she is back, my wolf will never let her go.'_

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	3. Chapter 3

_**A Bay Window Vie**_**w**

So far SM still owns all of the characters in my story. I am just taking them on a different journey...one where soul mates actually find their way back to one another. Don't forget to comment!

**CHAPTER THREE**

'Bella's Dream'

I felt a sense of home lying on my old bed; I wrapped myself up in the blankets

that Renee had sent me many years ago. I loved the smell of our old farm

house. I knew that it was more than just being in my dad's house though, I felt

certain that it had something to do with being back in the town of Forks and

being so close to Jake. Being near Jake had always given me a sense of home

and a stronger sense of self. I hadn't had that in eight long years and I can't

begin to describe with justification how it made me feel. With warm feelings in

my heart and my mind temporarily at ease I fell asleep almost instantly.

I began dreaming a beautiful dream. It was the kind of dream that you never

want to wake up from. It was a dream of Jake, me and our children.

_Our children were beautiful. They looked more like Jake because of their darker _

_complexion, but they were a good combination of both of us. Our daughter was _

_gorgeous and looked to be about four. She had long, dark brown hair and green _

_eyes and our son was the most handsome little boy I think that I had ever seen. _

_He had short, black curly hair and chocolate brown eyes; he looked to be around _

_three. I looked down at my stomach and realized that I was pregnant with what _

_I could only assume was our third child. _

_Jake and I were blissfully happy as we walked down the beach hand in hand. _

_Our daughter holding Jake's pinky and calling him, "Daddy" and our son running _

_a few feet ahead of us collecting shells. Me calling out to him, "Not too far Sam, _

_be careful honey." The sun was shining brightly, causing the ocean to sparkle _

_and the waves crashing on the far off cliff sounded heavenly. It was a perfect _

_day._

_Jake turned toward me and winked, as he gave me his signature smile. _

_Suddenly, Jake's smile turned into a crooked grin and then when I looked into _

_his face, I saw that it was Edward. It had turned from heaven to hell in an _

_instant. In a flash I was back in Alaska in the Cullin's mansion. No more Jake,_

_no more beautiful children…it was hell on earth! I could feel my heartbeat _

_quicken the second that I saw Edward's face ._

_I had been lying on my bed listening to music and writing in my journal when _

_Edward had come into my bedroom unannounced. He had come in wearing the _

_same crooked smile that I once found charming and irresistible; now the mere _

_thought of it disgusted me to the point that I feared I would become physically _

_sick. I felt a single hot tear fall down my cheek as I noticed that seeing me cry _

_seemed to give Edward much satisfaction. I waited in anticipation for Edward to _

_speak. I knew from experience what he would order me to do…it was always the _

_same; his orders rarely altered. Still, every time he came to me I felt the same _

_amount of terror._

_"__Sweet Bella," Edward began. "I am quite sure that you have already committed _

_to memory exactly how I expect this to go. You may begin taking off your _

_clothes now." _

_"__Edward, are you sure that you want to do this? Please don't, not again." I said._

_"__Bella, my love, I have given you a short rest in between my visits. I realized _

_that our last experience together had left you in a destabilized state. I have _

_given you more than enough time to recover from the ordeal; I must have _

_another fix now, I can not wait any longer. Only you can give me what I need _

_my love, Tanya can't satisfy the thirst that consumes me." He said. "You _

_must do as I have ordered; I will not be made to wait another moment. You _

_know that this will be much easier if you do not resist. Your blood is calling out _

_to me Isabella, please…undress now."_

_I knew what he was saying to me was true. This experience would be over _

_much faster if I gave in and did as he said, but I wouldn't allow myself to _

_become submissive to him again. We had been through this probably ten times_

_a month for the past eight years. I was tired of not having any control over my _

_life. I was tired of pretending to have the perfect marriage. My life had become _

_a living hell and I was about to break. I decided to fight, knowing full well that it _

_was pointless. _

_"__No, Edward. I will not just take my clothes off for you again. I will not willingly _

_allow you to drink from me again. I know that it is pointless to try and stop you, _

_but I will not submit to you. You will have to take what you want from me _

_forcefully." I said._

_Edward didn't seem to be phased in the least; in fact I think that he found my _

_new found valor stimulating. In the blink of an eye, he was standing in front of _

_me, throwing me on to my bed tearing my clothes off and eyeing my neck _

_fervently. Just as always he began to bite my neck, he liked to begin there each _

_time to get a little sample before moving on to his destination. I let out a big _

_grown causing Edward to sit up. He was sitting on top of my naked body, one _

_knee on either side of me with a grin of satisfaction on his face. My blood was _

_dripping from his chin and landing on my bare chest. Edward leaned over and _

_licked the blood from my right breast before sinking his teeth in just to the left of _

_it. I let out a blood curdling scream and as I did I woke up from my nightmare _

_realizing that I had just screamed Jake's name. I had screamed out for him, _

_knowing that he was the only one who could rescue me from the hell that I was _

_in._

In an instant I was off of my bed, I knew exactly where I had to go. I could feel

my heartbeat and adrenaline racing. I stopped briefly at the front door to push

my toes into my sandals, not taking time to buckle the straps. I ran out the door

and jumped in my rental car as fast as I possibly could. Just as I was about to

shut my door I heard a wolf howling in the forest right near my house. I

whispered to myself, "Jake?"

_Do you think this is a memory or a simple nightmare? Keep reading to find out!_

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	4. Chapter 4

A BAY WINDOW VIEW

CHAPTER FOUR

'MY ANGEL CAME HOME'

Jakes POV

I had been so consumed by Bella's heartbeat and breathing that I didn't even

realize that she called out my name as she awoke from her nap, 'She must have

had one hell of a nightmare. My poor Bells. God, her heartbeat has sped up

entirely too fast.' I thought I wanted desperately to go to her. Hell, she had

called for me to come to her. My wolf was telling me to go to her, but the man in

me decided that it would be best to stay back for the time being. I decided to

stay close to her though, to ensure that my angel stayed safe from harm.

I stood silently on the forest's edge, while my head spun in circles. The

questions were whirling around in my mind so fast that I seriously feared I might

throw up. As I pulled my thoughts together. I began to realize why I hadn't been

able to focus on anything other than my Bells this week. I had been experiencing

the distance closing between me and my imprint. Also, my wolf knew that she

was in some kind of trouble. I was hoping desperately that I would be able to

help her though whatever was troubling her. I had a terrible gut feeling that

whatever happened in her life was much worse than anything I have ever

imagined. Bella seemed to be more than frustrated and confused;

I believed she was emotionally distraught and physically

drained. Why? I wasn't sure, but I knew that I would soon find out.

I ran into the forest behind Charlie's house, out where I knew Charlie chops all of

his firewood. I stood there and let out a howl that matched the emotion that was

radiating from my mate. It was a desperate cry, a tortured howl. I'm certain that

if my brothers in the pack were still phasing regularly, they would have come

running. I stood at the forest's edge so that I would have a good view of my

Bells.

She looked smaller to me now. She seemed very weak and much, much paler

than the last time I had seen her yet she was still the most beautiful creature that

I had every lain eyes on. Her hair was longer, much longer; it had grown more

than half way down her back. I liked it longer, she looked like a Goddess to me.

Her hair was chocolate brown but when I looked closely, I realized that it had lost

the sheen that it once had. I remember thinking, 'What happened to my Bells? If

that leech hasn't taken care of my Bells, I will tear him apart and burn him

myself.' And I meant it! I could smell my Bells from where I stood, the sweet

familiar scent of her freshly washed hair smelled even better than I remembered.

Strawberries, my Bells always smelled of strawberries. Bella always smelled so

damn good. My wolf longed to grab her, lick her and claim her as his own. He

had waited eight long years to mark his mate. I let my wolf know that he would

have to wait for that. It was hardly the appropriate time for him to act on his

natural instincts. The man in me had to keep the wolf at bay, at least for the time

being. This had to be about Bells and although I knew that he would eventually

have to be let loose, I had to know that it was something that my Bells was ready

for.

After Bella left eight years ago, it had taken me more than a month before I could

go back to the Swan's house, The pain when I would pass by her house to go

into town was pure torture. Exactly thirty days after she left, I called Charlie and

asked him if I could come over for a visit. He and I both knew that my main

reason for visiting was to feel closer to Bella; I was hoping to feel her, smell her

and hold on to her in any way that I could. We made plans and almost a week

later I walked into the Swan's door. Bella's scent was overpowering. I imagined

that by now her scent no longer lingered where Charlie was concerned, but I

wasn't a normal human, my senses had been heightened to unbelievable levels

the day of my transformation. That was one change, among many, that took a

while for me to get used to.

Bella's scent…It had hit me the second that Charlie opened the door and asked

me to come in. I thought that I would fall to my knees just smelling the kitchen

but from there it only got worse.

I spoke with Charlie for nearly ten minutes, not really comprehending anything

that was said. I remember excusing myself to use the restroom. Without saying

a word I went upstairs instead of using the downstairs bathroom but Charlie

didn't say anything, just as I suspected he wouldn't.

I walked into Bella's bathroom and looked in her shower. She had left a bottle of

her shampoo and conditioner behind…always strawberry. I removed one of the

caps and the familiar scent brought tears to my eyes. There I stood in the middle

of her bathroom with freaking tears in my eyes. Me, the big bad Alpha, leader of

my pack and protector of my people stood there crying like a wuss. 'Bella is my

imprint? She is the gravity that holds me to this earth. My reason for living, my

universe…but now my universe is gone. How in the hell am I supposed to live

without her?' I asked myself. I

She had chosen to marry and run off with another, not just another man but a

dead bloodsucking vampire. Vegetarians they called themselves, but to me they

are leeches. She hadn't only decided to marry a dead vamp, she had decided to

become a dead vamp as well. I thought the sound of her beautiful heartbeat

would be gone forever. I didn't know how in the hell I could ever deal with that. I

had a bard time wrapping my head around it, the wolves and vampires are born

natural enemies, Bella could never be my enemy; there is nothing in this world

that could make my imprint an enemy to me.

Bella was speeding down Forks Highway toward La Push. I was almost certain

that she was headed strait for my dad's house. She probably hadn't even

considered the fact that I didn't live there anymore. The last place I had spoken

to Bella was on my dad's porch, which was the day that I imprinted on her. ' My

timing sucked! Why couldn't I have imprinted on her before the leech came

back? Why couldn't I have imprinted on her in the meadow when we saved her

from being killed my Laurent; I had looked straight into her eyes. Why not the

day that I saved her from almost drowning after she jumped off that cliff; again, I

looked straight into her eyes. Anytime…at all…before the leech came back.' I

thought.

I knew from personal experience and from watching the effects that it had on my

brothers, that imprinting often happened at the most inopportune times. I had

always resented imprinting. 'I guess I would have felt differently about that if I

had ended up with mine.' I remember thinking. The fact of the matter was that it

was forced on us after becoming shape shifters/wolves. Sometimes you imprint

on a random person and it turns your life upside down; it can be unfortunate

because people can get hurt in the process.

I had always believed that the wolf chose an imprint with the right genes,

specifically so that his offspring would become strong, powerful wolves. The

imprinting sucked for Leah! Sam and Leah had already set the date to be

married and the plans for their wedding had fallen into place effortlessly. They

were so happy! Leah's cousin Emily was flying in to be Leah's Maid of Honor.

Leah and Emily had planned to meet Sam at a nice restaurant in Port Angeles.

Leah wanted Emily to meet Sam in person before the wedding festivities began.

BAM…that was all it took. Sam saw Emily and imprinted on her, right there in

the restaurant in that exact moment, while Leah was sitting right by his side.

Leah didn't stand a chance after that. She had lost her fiancé' and her

cousin/best friend. Fun loving Leah was gone and I wasn't sure that she would

ever return. Leah became a very angry person; I think that the anger somehow

helped her not feel the hurt as strongly. Emily became the one that Sam felt he

couldn't live without. He has never stopped loving and caring about Leah, but he

will never act on it. You have heard the haunted words before I am sure…"I

LOVE YOU, BUT IT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH." A wolves imprint means

everything to him, he is lost without her, he can't breathe without her; the thought

of every hurting her tears through him so deeply that the pain is unbearable.

'How shitty would that be?' Loving two women at the same time and feeling as

though you have no control over your destiny. I didn't understand then, but now I

understand how Sam felt. When I imprinted on Bella I felt as though Bella had

reached into my chest and took hold of my heart in the most glorious way

possible. I felt like the only thing that was keeping me from flying off into space

was her, like she was made just for me; to keep be grounded in my crazy life.

The only thing that I wanted to do was make her smile, keep her warm and make

sure that she was always happy and protected. I had always loved Bella with my

whole heart and soul, but in that moment all of my feelings were intensified in

such a way that it made it hard for me to breathe. It could have been the most

joyous day of our lives, but for Bella and me…absolutely nothing ever came

easily and everything seemed to have a price. It was weird because being with

her was as easy as breathing and we were perfect for each other; it was the hold

that Edward had on her…I couldn't seem to break the spell.

I couldn't believe what happened to Bella on the way to La Push. She was

stopped for speeding; Embry stopped her before he realized who she was.

Embry had always been very fond of Bella. "He is going to freak when he

realizes who she is.' I thought as I watched from a distance. I was surprised at

Bella's reaction when she realized who Embry was. She began to lose it a little,

she jumped into Embry's arms and started talking about how wrong she had

been and how she had to make things right. Embry actually handled seeing

Bella very well. I could see how happy Embry was that she was still human; he

could barely hold in his joy. He told her that he would escort her to Billy's. She

got back in her car and followed him the rest of the way to my dad's house.

Embry and Bella turned into my dad's driveway; Bella slammed the car into park

and bolted out the door- tripping over her feet as she tried to make it up the steps

and onto the porch. I almost ran to assist her, but I stopped myself. The only

people that knew of my imprinting on Bella was my dad and the tribal council. I

knew that my dad would be thrilled to see Bella because he knew how miserable

I had been all these years without her.

Dad came to the front door and opened it. "Bella?" my dad exclaimed. Bella

didn't say a word; she jumped into dad's wheelchair with him and wrapped her

arms tightly around him. She was crying hysterically, she had no control over her

emotions what so ever. Dad thanked Embry for escorting her to his house safely

and told him not to tell anyone about Bella being in town yet. I knew that Embry

had much respect for my dad and would obey his wishes.

Dad held Bella tightly and rolled her inside with him. It was heart wrenching.

"Shhhh. Bella, please talk to me honey." I went around the house, to the kitchen

window hoping to get a closer view. My dad was soothing Bella. He was rubbing

her back and he began singing a Quileute lullaby to her – the one that my mom

used to sing to me. After a few minutes, Bella's sobs began to slow down

enough for her to talk to dad.

"Bella, why are you here honey? What can I do to help you?" he said. "Billy, I

need to speak with Jacob. Is he home?" she asked. "Bella, Jake hasn't lived

here for four years. He built himself a house right on the beach." He answered.

"I need to speak to him Billy. I need to speak to him desperately!" she said.

"Okay, Bella. Go out my back door and follow the trail toward the beach. You

will see the house that he built right up from you and Jacob's special spot. You

know…the driftwood. When Jake looks out his big bay window facing the beach,

he has a perfect view of it." He explained. "That sounds just beautiful Billy.

Thank you so much." Bella said, as silent tears streamed down her face.

At that point I ran like hell to beat Bella back to my house, I needed some time to

get myself ready for our reunion. I was feeling more nervous in that moment

than I have ever felt before; the newborns didn't even make me as nervous. The

wolf within me was anxious; he wanted things to happen his way. I told my wolf

to be patient.

I still had no idea what was actually going on with my Bella. I phased back into

my human form, jumped on my back deck, went in the door and up the stairs. I

took a very quick shower, brushed my teeth and waited for my Bells. It was a

good thing that I still had 'wolf speed." I had never been more frightened in all of

my life. 'I can't lose her again! Is she coming to tell me that she loves me and

misses me? Is she going to take what's left of my heart away with her when she

leaves again? Oh, dear God, I don't know how much more my sole can

withstand.' I thought. 'That's enough Jake. This is about Bells and what she

needs.' I chastised myself. "Has she been hurt physically? Is she still married?

Is she all alone? Is she on the run?' There were so many questions that I

needed answers to.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. I slowly opened the door. There she was, 'My Bella'

standing only two feet away from me. She was standing in the pouring rain,

soaked from head to toe; my head was whirling from the scent of her. She had

on a white sundress with spaghetti straps. The wet fabric of her dress was sheer

and clinging to her every curve. Her long wet hair was clinging to her slightly

tanned skin. I couldn't help but notice that she had blossomed in all of the right

places. I could make out the shape of her breasts, her hips and her inner thighs

just as if she were standing naked in front of me.

I was having an extremely hard time keeping my wolf on a leash, he wanted to

claim her right there, and he felt that he had waited long enough. I was certain

that she would have noticed my arousal, had she been in a better emotional

state. We stood there in my doorway, both wide eyed, staring at one another in

complete silence. After what seemed like at least five minutes, I broke the

silence. "Bells?" I said. "Oh, Jake I love…" Bella passed out and I caught her in

my arms before she could even finish her sentence. I carried her upstairs,

noticing that she was as light as a feather. Once we were in my bedroom I took

off all of her wet clothes, including her bra. I wrapped her sexy little body up in a

blanket and put her in my bed. I could have easily seen her naked body in the

pitch black of my room but I managed to turn off my wolf senses during that

moment, trying to give her the respect and privacy that she deserved. I hoped

that she wouldn't be uncomfortable in the morning when she woke up with no

memory of how she ended up naked. I sighed and took my shoes and socks off,

got into my bed with her and wrapped my arms around her to keep her safe and

warm. She whispered, "Hold me Jake. Hold me while I sleep. I am so

exhausted." She requested. It was music to my ears. "Just sleep Bells. I won't

leave you." I layed there imagining how having her back in my life was going to

feel. I was still holding her two hours later as I whispered, "I have always loved

you Bells and that will never change." I finally allowed her heartbeat to lull me

into a peaceful sleep, just as it had so many other times in my life.

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	5. Chapter 5

A BAY WINDOW VIEW

CHAPTER FIVE

'My Jacob'

Bella's POV

When I heard the wolf howling in the forest directly by my house, alI could think of was my Jacob. 'He isn't really my Jacob…is he?'

I thought to myself. I had screwed up! I trusted, married and took off

with Edward. I had willingly left all of the people who meant the

most to me – Charlie, my mom and Jacob. 'What in the hell was I

thinking?' I thought. I knew one thing… I never would have

dreamed that my life would have taken the evil turns that it had. I

still couldn't believe that Alice, my so called best friend and sister in-

law, would have let things get this out of control. Her gift of seeing

the future ensured that she would know ahead of time what would

happen in each of our lives, yet she chose to keep what she knew

about mine to herself. Making her brother happy and hiding his

secret was more important to her than my safety and even my life.

Thank God Carlisle and Esme saved me when they did.

I was in my car and almost to La Push before I knew it. In the rear

view mirror I spotted a blue light and heard a siren roaring. 'Crap!'

I thought. The last thing that I needed in that moment was to have

one of Charlie's deputies catch me speeding. 'Not! Great…Charlie

doesn't even know that I am back in Fork's yet.' I pulled over on the

side of Fork's Highway and waited for the officer to come up. I was

wondering just how in the world I was going to get out of this one. I

looked in my rearview mirror and saw a very tall, well-built, good

looking Quileute man walking up from behind my car. The man

looked to be around my age and seemed a little familiar to me. I had

a gut feeling that he was someone from my past, although I also

thought that there was a possibility that he just reminded me of the

guys I knew from La Push. I knew a lot of Quileute kids through

Jacob, some of which I had gotten to know very well.

I rolled my window down and heard the officer say, "Hi there Miss.

Do you know how fast you were going?" I handed my license

and registration to the man before he even asked me for it and said,

"No Officer. I am on my way to La Push and it is extremely

important that I get there quickly. I'm sorry that I was speeding

though and I promise to slow down. Please let me off with the

warning." I stopped begging and tried to look pitiful. As the officer

looked at my license and read my name, 'Isabella Cullen', I heard him

mumble something under his breath but I wasn't sure what he'd said.

I began explaining, "My license says Isabella Cullen; however I am in

the process of changing it back to my maiden name, which is Swan.

I am Isabella Swan, Charlie Swan's daughter." I didn't want to say

that, but I was desperate to get out of this situation. I continued,

"Please, don't mention this to Charlie though, he doesn't know that I

am back in town yet and I would like to be the one to tell him."

The officer bent down and peered into my open window. He had a

look of shock on his face which more than likely resembled mine

perfectly. "No freaking way…it's really you Bella!" The officer

exclaimed. 'Bella?' I thought. No one had called me that in a long

time. "My God, you are still human! Are you on your way to see Jacob?"

I opened my door and stepped out. "Embry? Embry Call!

Oh, my God." I said exclaimed. I jumped into his arms, almost

knocking him down. "I was so wrong about everything Embry; I

have missed you all so much." I told him that I had to make things

right with Jake, my dad and all of the people in my life who meant

the world to me…including him. "I need to go to Jacob and Billy's

place. Please, let me follow you there and get me there as quick as

you can." I requested. Embry nodded, still looking a little shocked.

He managed to say, "No problem…follow me!" Embry led me to their

house.

When we reached the Black's house, I pulled into the drive and

stopped for a minute, just staring at my home away from home.

Jacob and Billy's small red house and Jacob's homemade garage

always felt like home to me. Everything looked the same to me, with

the exception of what looked like two extra rooms built off the side of

the house. 'It is probably a bedroom and bath.' I thought. The

memories that Jake and I shared in his garage came crashing down

on me, flooding my thoughts with happiness and sorrow in equal

measures. The memory of Jacob and I falling for one another and

me not admitting it to myself was more than I could handle.

Memories of the pack came back to me like a whirlwind…bonfires and

the many jokes and pranks that we all played on each other, recalling

them all was overwhelming. 'I don't know if I can do this, maybe I

should turn around and go back home.' I thought to myself. Not

willing to give in to my fears, I pulled into Jacob's driveway and the

minute that Billy opened the door…I lost it!

Billy nodded to Embry knowingly and said that he would take things

from here. He told him not to mention my being there to anyone

and promised to call him later. Billy was very comforting to me, even

singing a Quileute lullaby that I recognized. Jacob shared the lullaby

with me years ago. I found him humming it in his garage while he

was tinkering with his Rabbit one afternoon…he loved that car. I

remembered Jacob telling me that his mom used to sing that song to

him when he was a young boy. 'Isn't it funny how you never forget

some things?' I thought.

When Billy told me that Jacob hadn't lived there for four years, I was

surprised. It just never even occurred to me that Jake might not be

living with his dad. I guess that I assumed while my life kept moving

for the past eight years, everyone else's lives here stood still. I

suddenly realized that I had missed a large portion of their lives. The

most important men in my life were Charlie, Jake and Billy, and I had

no idea what had gone on in any of their lives while I'd been gone. I

began to realize the fact that Jake's pack brothers were all grown

men by now, they weren't just boys who looked like men. The

thought that even Seth was a grown man now seemed impossible to

me but it wasn't, it was a reality. Jake and his pack brothers were

grown men with real jobs, careers, families and responsibilities.

Many things can happen in eight years and the thought crossed my

mind that they may want things to remain the way they were, they

might not want to fit me back into their lives.

I tried to brace myself just in case they couldn't find it in their hearts

to welcome me back into their lives; I knew that trying to do this was

pointless. 'My heart is aching…I don't know if I can handle this pain any longer.' I thought. I had begun having dull pains in my

chest

the day that I left to marry Edward and over the next eight years it

had remained there, never wavering even for a day. A couple of

months before I returned to Forks, the pain had gotten increasingly

worse. I had Jacob in my thoughts more and more everyday during

that time; I seemed to ache for him somehow.

Billy told me where Jacob's house was and I took off down the

beach. I didn't even care that it had started pouring down rain while

I was at Billy's, even though I knew that I was fixing to be drenched

and I would probably ruin my favorite white linen sundress. I

couldn't think of anything but getting to Jacobs; that was all I cared

about in that moment. I didn't know what I would do if he turned

his back on me. I knew that I had hurt Jake repeatedly. I knew that

I didn't deserve his understanding or sympathy, but the pain was

killing me and I needed his strength desperately. I had been hurt so

badly by the Cullen's during the past eight years, I wasn't sure that I

would ever recover from the trauma. Jacob was my only hope, the

only person that I could trust with my secrets. I was afraid that I

would never be able to forgive myself for the wrong decisions I had

made and for hurting the people that I loved, especially Jake.

I think that I would have found Jacob's house even if Billy wouldn't

have told me where to go. It was strange to me that the pain in my

heart seemed to subside more and more the further I walked down

the beach toward Jacob. I felt as though something was pulling me

down the beach, past our driftwood tree and right to Jacob's front

door. Like my heart was being pulled by some invisible force in the

direction of my Jacob. Jacob's house was beautiful! I wondered

what he had been doing for the past eight years; it seemed to me

that he had done very well for himself.

Due to the downpour, I was soaked from head to toe by the time I

reached Jacob's house. The sheer linen of my favorite sundress

clung to my body and I knew that Jacob would be able to see right

through it. However, that didn't really concern me, I was actually

very thankful for the rain because I was more concerned with the

fact that Jake would see the steady stream of tears flowing from my

eyes. With my heart beating so loud it made my ears ring, I knocked

three times.

When Jacob opened the door, he took my breath away. He had

grown into an irresistible man. His russet colored skin, broad

shoulders, perfectly chiseled abs and pecks. My God…he looked like

a Greek God. His eyes…I could get lost in those beautiful big brown

eyes.

Jacob's transformation happened when he was only sixteen years old

and physically he appeared to be a twenty-one year old man

practically over night. He was never really given the opportunity to

realize the effect that he had on girls. He definitely demanded their

attention without meaning to.

Jacob had always been a great looking guy, but I'll never forget the

day that I realized just how beautiful he really was. I had begun to

notice how girls were responding to Jake. They would stumble over

their own two feet when they tried to check him out and walk at the

same time. If he spoke to one of them they would get all tongue

tied and break out in hives. Sometimes they would bat their

eyelashes at him so ridiculously that even I was embarrassed for

them. I teased Jacob about things mercilessly all of the time but the

weird thing was, he didn't seem to notice or care that they were

giving him all of their attention.

I knew how these girls felt about Jake, but I was still oblivious to his

beauty until the day that we were riding the motorcycles that Jake

had rebuilt for us. Edward had broken up with me and left Forks at

the time and I had been spending all of my time with Jacob. I was

happy when I was with Jacob. He had just finished the rebuild and

we were taking the bikes out for a test. Surprisingly, I wrecked mine

and bumped my head on a log. Jake rushed over to me when he

realized that I had hit my head. He saw that I was bleeding so he

immediately stood up and took his shirt off to clean my wound. He

bent over me with the most precious, concerned look on his face and

wiped the blood from my forehead. His eyes seemed to be drinking

me in. I realized that I had been silently talking to myself as all of

this was happening. I had gone from, "Ouch, my head hurts." to

"Dear God, why have I never noticed that glorious body before?"

I could see every one of his beautiful muscles flex when he lifted his

arms to take off his shirt. My eyes traveled down and counted every

single chiseled muscle in his stomach and my eyes finally landed on

his perfectly defined pecks; making me want to drag my fingernails

down his beautiful chest. I opened my mouth and all I could get out

was, "You know…you're sort of beautiful." I remember him looking

at me with this unbelievable sweet look on his face and then grinned

when he asked me how hard I had hit my head. He had blown it off,

but I have never forgotten it.

I stood in the rain daydreaming as I realized that the pull between

Jacob and I felt like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. It felt

as though Jake and I had an invisible string pulling our hearts

together. I couldn't tell where I ended and Jake began. I looked up

at him through my wet lashes and the moment that our eyes met,

we became one.

Suddenly, I began to remember that I had heard Quileute stories

concerning this kind of thing, I recalled the time that Jacob told me

that if he had imprinted on me…I would know it. He said that he had

not imprinted on anyone and that he didn't believe he ever would. I

wanted to believe him back then but the fact remained… he could

eventually imprint on someone, which at the time caused me to hold

Jake at arm's length. I didn't want to fall in love with him, only to

lose him to 'THE ONE', his 'SOUL MATE', his 'IMPRINT'. I couldn't

have bared that. I thought I was protecting myself. I decided to

keep my thoughts focused on Edward as my boyfriend and Jake as

my friend. I was wrong to get involved with Edward in the first

place, it was insane really, getting involved with him knowing that he

was a vampire. I have been wrong about so many things… I don't

know that I will ever be able to trust my judgment about anything,

other than the fact that I belong with Jacob for the rest of my life.

'Please, God. Don't let him send me away, don't let him tell me that

he is in love with someone else or worse yet, that he has imprinted

on someone else. I don't think that I could bare it.' I prayed silently.

Jacob looked older to me now, but I knew that it was probably just

maturity that made him look older. 'What if he stopped phasing, he

would age then…right?' I pondered over my thoughts. His gorgeous

brown eyes were filled with wisdom. What else was behind those

eyes? It seemed to be admiration, love, lust and possibly fear and

regret. For some reason the various emotions behind his eyes made

me worry and I could actually feel my heartbeat racing.

As I stood there in his doorway my heart began to speed up even

more, however I felt like I was finally home. Jacob had always been

home to me. All I wanted to do was tell him how much I loved him.

I didn't get the words out of my mouth before I passed out mid-

sentence.

I remember bits and pieces from that night. I remember feeling

Jacob lift me into his strong arms and carry me upstairs to his

bedroom. I also remember being soaked to the bone and shivering

uncontrollably until I was warmed by Jake's body heat which was

radiating from his gorgeous body. Jake had always been my own

personal sun and I was quickly being reminded of that.

It was completely dark in his room as I felt him undress me

completely and quickly wrap me in a soft blanket. I felt him place

soft open mouthed kisses behind my ears and down the side of my

neck. I knew that he let his hands glide briefly over my bare skin as

he placed the blanket around me and I could have sworn that I heard

a low growl coming from deep within his chest.

He layed me carefully on his bed and pulled me back into his strong

chest. He held me close until I fell asleep…maybe longer. I had

never felt so safe and secure in all of my life. I just hoped that my

mind wasn't playing tricks on me; I prayed that this wasn't another 'Jacob Dream' I would wake up from.

Lying there, I began to realize that it was morning. The light was

shining through the window, directly into my eyes, waking me up

from what felt like the deepest, most peaceful sleep I had ever

experienced. 'Where am I?' Oh… I remember now… my Jacob.' I

thought. I reached behind me to find Jacob but he was not there. I

knew that he was close by because I could still feel his warmth on

the sheets next to me. I looked around Jacob's bedroom. It was

beautifully decorated in warm, rich colors. It was very masculine; I

never realized that Jacob had such good taste.

Suddenly, I looked down and realized that I was completely naked; I

began worrying about Jake seeing me with no clothes on. I was

worried about Jake seeing the scars on my body. I thankfully

remember that it was completely dark in Jacob's room as he

undressed me the previous afternoon, but just as I thought of that I

had another thought. Jake had wolf senses and he had night vision;

I decided not to think about that.

I got up, still wrapped up tightly in Jake's blanket and made my way

down the stairs. I still felt as though I was being tugged by my heart

strings toward Jacob. "What is up with this?' I wondered. I also

noticed that I was experiencing absolutely no pain or discomfort.

I walked down a large staircase and ended up in Jake's family room.

Jacob was standing in the kitchen making coffee. He looked up at

me and simply said, "Hey you." I smiled and replied with a small

smile, "Hey you." "Coffee?" Jake asked. I nodded and he handed

me a cup saying, "Here you go, one cream and two sugars just the

way you like it." I smiled and said. "Thank you Jacob. I can't believe

you remembered."

We sat there in silence for a while, me sipping my coffee with dozens

of thoughts racing through my mind. Jacob finally broke the silence,

"Talk to me Bells."

"I don't know where to begin Jacob. I have so many things that I

need to tell you and things that I need to explain. I know that I

don't deserve it Jake, but I need help sorting through it all. I know

that we belong together and I am hoping that I'm not too late. I was

so wrong to leave you. I am so sorry! Please forgive me

Jake…forgive me or I'll just die." I felt a hot tear slip down my cheek

as I confessed. I didn't mean to say it quite like that but regardless,

that is how it came out.

"Bella, I was hurt. You have no idea how hurt I was when you left.

The pain was indescribable; just the separation was awful enough

but knowing that you had chosen Edward over me was unbearable.

However, then and even now, you are the most important thing in

the world to me Bella. I can sense that you have endured much pain

while we've been apart. I need you to trust me; let me help you

honey. Please trust me when I say, there is nothing to forgive you

for. All I feel towards you is love and devotion… there is no need to

ask for my forgiveness Bells." he said.

"Jake, I never expected you to be this understanding. I know how

much you hate Edward, I was expecting anger and resentment but

instead you are giving me your understanding and love. I am a little

confused, not only concerning your reaction to my return, but there

is something weird going on with my heart. It is like my heart is tied

to yours somehow. My heart was aching when I left your dad's

house but the closer I got to you the less it ached. When I looked

into your eyes yesterday, the pain completely subsided. Do you

know what that means? To be completely honest, I have been

having a dull pain in my chest since the day I left to marry Edward."

Yes Bella… I do know what it is that you are feeling. Something

happened to me before you married Edward; I had prayed for it to

happen every day for an entire year. When it finally happened, it

was too late. You had already made your decision to leave with

Edward and I had to allow you to have what you wanted….your

happiness is everything to me.

My heart clenched in my chest listening to the words that he spoke.

I knew in my heart the question that I was about to ask him and I

also knew the answer that I would receive. I whispered, "Did you

imprint on me Jacob?" He stared into my eyes thoughtfully and

chose his words carefully. With a look of concern in his eyes he

began to explain. "The day that you came and told me that you

were going to marry Edward and move away with him was the day

that I imprinted on you. You walked up to my dad's house and all of

a sudden it felt like you reached into my chest and grabbed my

heart."

Jacob paused and then continued, "I knew what was happening

because I had seen 'imprinting' through Sam and Embry's mind but

honestly I was surprised and completely taken off guard because

normally a wolf imprints at the first site of his mate. I prayed for it,

but I never expected it to happen because there were numerous

opportunities for my wolf to imprint on you. I don't know if I am

different because I am Alpha or if there is some other reason; I just

know that it happened. When you told me of your plans that day, I

wanted to take you in my arms and never let you go, but I knew in

my heart what I had to do. Your happiness was the most important

thing and you wanted to marry Edward." He said.

"How could I have been so blind Jacob? I have never been so wrong

about anything in all my life. Edward did awful things to me Jacob.

He didn't love me, he needed me. We got married but we never

went on a honeymoon. We didn't even have sex, not even

once…ever. He slept with Tanya the whole time we were married.

She is one of the vampires from Denali. He used to call her family

but none of them are family, not really. I am still a virgin Jacob. I

was married for eight years and never once had sex with my

husband or anyone else." I said. "He needed my blood to make

him stronger. He took small amounts at a time, so that his eyes

wouldn't turn red. He wanted to be certain that Carlisle wouldn't

figure out what was going on. Edward knew that Carlisle would

never stand for anything like that…he knew he would disown him if

he figured it out. Edward became addicted to my blood and he

became greedy. My blood was like his own personal kind of Heroine,

those were his words. I began to get weaker each time he fed from

me. Soon Carlisle started questioning me; he must have smelled my

blood on Edward or something. I lied for Edward because he told me

that if I didn't keep his secret, he would come back to Fork's and hurt

the people that I loved. He said that he would hurt Charlie and kill

you. I couldn't take that chance, so I kept his secret for almost eight

years."

I paused and took a breath before continuing. "Three weeks ago,

Edward came into my room and needed a fix. It had been a while

since he had come to me because his feedings were taking such a

toll on me and it was becoming obvious that something was wrong

with me. Edward came in that night and told me to hold still, he took

more blood from me than usual. That night he got carried away and

his teeth tore into an artery. I screamed from sheer pain. Carlisle

and Esme came running into my room, when Carlisle saw what was

going on he grabbed Edward and held him up against the wall be his

throat. I had never seen Carlisle raise his voice before that night, let

alone get physical with anyone- with the exception of the newborn

fight. Carlisle told Edward that he was a disgrace to their family; he

told him that he was no longer his son. Alice was called into the

room by Esme and she was questioned about her reasons for not

telling what she had seen in her visions. She had been protecting

Edward for eight years. I looked up at Alice with tears in my eyes at

the exact moment that Esme backhanded her across the face, which

caused her to fly head first into my bedroom wall. It didn't hurt her

physically, but I knew that it had to hurt her deeply. I couldn't seem

to make myself feel sorry for her though. Alice was kicked out of the

family along with Edward. Carlisle and Esme told them under no

uncertain terms that they were not allowed to contact any member of

the family ever again and if they bothered me in anyway they would

see to it that they were torn apart and burned. They both left the

Cullen's mansion without a penny in their pocket. Carlisle gave me

the medical attention that I needed, he had my marriage to Edward

annulled and insisted on flying me back to Forks, with a hefty savings

account waiting here for me. He told me that I would always be a

daughter to him and that I would never want for anything. Carlisle

apologized profusely; he was consumed with guilt because he hadn't

figured out what was going on sooner."

I had been so caught up in telling Jacob my story that I hadn't

noticed he was trembling from head to toe and had begun to blur

around the edges. I knew when I looked at him that the thought of

his imprint being hurt like that by anyone was more than he could

handle. The thought of a vampire hurting me was even worse. I

didn't want him to phase so I took him be the hand and said, "Jacob,

I am here now baby and I am going to be okay. I love you Jake and

I know that you will always be here to protect me. I am safe now."

Jake's shaking slowed down with my touch and the sound of my

voice.

The minute his shaking subsided he began, "Bella, I love you so

much baby. I want to make love to you more than I have ever

wanted anything in my life. I want to show you all the love that I

have been holding in my heart for you. I can't even begin to express

the emotions that I am feeling. I adore you Bella and I need to show

you just how much. Please, trust me enough to show me how

Edward hurt you. You are the largest part of me Bells and from this

day forward I promise to do everything in my power to keep you safe

from harm. I swear to you…Edward will never, ever hurt you again.

I will not even allow him to come anywhere near you again. You can

count on me Bella…I won't let you down."

Jake paused and then said, "I want to heal the wounds on your body

and the ones in your heart. You are my entire world and I need to

see every part of you, kiss every inch of you and fill you with my

love. Will you allow me to show you my love?"

I looked into his tear filled eyes and said, "Jake, every part of my

body is screaming out for you. I want to share everything with you

Jake, I do. I am scared though honey and I am self conscience

about the marks that Edward left on my body. I have fresh wounds

and scars that have been there from years past; I am worried what

you might think when you see them." I could barely get the last

words out.

Jacob picked me up in his arms and carried me carefully up the stairs

towards his room. He said, "Bella. You are beautiful to me. Every

time that I see the marks that Edward left on your body, I will love

you even more. I'll remember that you trusted me enough to share

yourself with me. You are my imprint and there will never be

anything about you that could make me desire you less. Baby, I

promise that I will be careful with you and I will respect and obey

each and every one of your wishes. I love you Bells."

Hearing Jake's words put my mind and heart completely at ease. I

knew in my heart that my needs were all he cared about and that he

would never hurt me. I knew that hurting me would be like stabbing

himself in the heart.

"I love you too Jake. I trust you and I want to share everything with

you tonight and every night for the rest of our lives."

STICK AROUND!

SOMETHING IS FIXING TO HAPPEN.

HOWEVER, IT MORE THAN LIKELY

ISN'T QUITE WHAT YOU ARE PROBABLY EXPECTING.

I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY IT AND

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS…

IT HELPS TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE ALL OUT THERE

READING MY STORY!

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

I WILL KEEP POSTING REGULARLY!

-SHELLY

.


	6. Chapter 6 'REGRET'

**A BAY WINDOW VIEW**

CHAPTER SIX

'REGRET'

**6,448 words**

Jake's POV

If you would have told me a month earlier that my Bells would eventually be coming back to Forks, I would have probably called you crazy. I never thought in a million years that she would return after so many years had passed. I had never allowed myself to think that there was even a remote possibility that I would ever see her alive again. I felt certain that I would live an unhappy, lonely life; I had accepted it and had come to terms with what I thought was my fate. Knowing that my Bells came back made me want to jump for joy, shout from the rooftops, go yelling out into the street but at the same time… I was consumed with guilt.

I had been kidding myself when I tried to move on. The fact of the matter was, I would always belong to my Bells, whether she was in my life or not. I would never, could never be happy with any other woman. To say that my wolf had been busting my balls over some of the actions that I had taken over the last eight years was…putting it mildly. Honestly, I didn't need him pointing out my weaknesses, I was well aware of what they were.

When I opened my door and saw Bella standing there, my heart stopped for a moment. She looked incredible, she smelled eatable and my emotions and hormones were getting the best of me. I felt like a seventeen year old boy again. Please, don't get me wrong. Bella is precious; I respect and love her more than life itself. The man in me needed her in an emotional and physical way. My wolf on the other hand…he wanted to claim her and mark her as his own. The wolf had to wait…he had waiting for eight years; a little while longer wouldn't kill him. My Bells deserved all of my respect and that is what I will give her.

I knew that there would be a time to release the passion that I felt for her. There would even be a time for an animalistic type of passion that my wolf longed for, but this was not that time. It was a time for patience, adoration, forgiveness, comfort and understanding. My wolf just had to accept things as they were. It was my call and it was non- negotiable.

Before my Bells passed out in my arms, she had been trying to say something. I felt sure that she was going to tell me that she loved me…I hoped desperately that I was right. When I took Bella upstairs and laid her on my bed, I had been in a state of shock. I remember taking all of Bella's clothes off of her and turning off my wolf senses to give her the respect that she deserved. I remember taking my shoes and socks off and sliding into bed with her right before I put my arms around her so that I could warm her and keep her safe.

I woke up at five o'clock the morning after Bella's return. I opened my eyes and found that this time it wasn't a dream…Bella was actually back. I quickly noticed that my right arm was draped over Bell's sexy little body and I had been cupping her left breast as we slept. I jumped at the realization, shaking the entire bed with my sudden movement. I was afraid that I had awakened Bella, but as soon as I looked into her face I realized that she was completely oblivious to my movements. She backed up even farther against my chest, causing my knees to cup her backside. The younger guys call it 'spooning'. I call it HOT!

Her long dark brown hair was splayed across my pillow allowing me complete access to her neck. I placed a few hot, open mouthed kisses on her there; stopping was heart wrenching. I heard a distinct growl come from deep within my chest. My wolf was awake and he was running low on patience.

I was getting pretty turned on, so I tried my damndest to try and find another focus. I began listening to Bell's breathing. With each breath she took, I thanked God again for bringing her back into my life and with each breath came another question that I desperately needed answered.

I thought that Edward had turned her into a vampire eight years ago… after their honeymoon. Why hadn't he turned her into a vampire? What in the hell happened to her since she has been gone? Why does she seem so weak? Bella had never been physically strong or full of grace for that matter but this was different. Bella had never been unhealthy or lacking in confidence. She was strong in that she knew what she wanted and she wasn't afraid to tell you what that was. I loved that about her.

I loved everything about Bella, from the cute little shy smirks she made to the way she frustrated me when she refused to be wrong. I loved how she made me feel about myself. She made me feel as though she needed me to be her protector. She let me catch her when she fell, hold her when she cried and ….to top all of that, she always laughed at my lame jokes. She made me feel important and she made me feel like a man. I was her best friend. Granted, I had always wanted more than that but to be entirely honest, I would have taken anything she was willing to throw my way…even before I imprinted on her. She has always and will always be my soul mate. 'My Bells'.

I heard Bella whispering and whimpering in her sleep. I knew that she was obviously having the same type of dream that I had just awoken from. When she wiggled her backside up against my morning wood, I thought that I would come unglued. Bella being in my bed and so close to me was a torturous kind of pleasure. I heard Bella sigh my name in a low, sultry tone. Listening to my Bells, I felt as though I were somehow intruding just by listening. I couldn't help myself though, I love her so much; to catch a glimpse of what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers was just too tempting…I gave in. She said, "Jake, I need you! Take me now. I want your body Jake. I have waiting all of my life to let you have your way with me. Jake, can your wolf come out and play? I know that you want me too, I can smell it Jake.' She pleaded. 'Dear God, I have never heard anything sexier in my entire life. Could she really feel that way? I love the sexy playfulness in her voice.' My wolf could hear her words with clarity and he was more than ready to obey each and every one of her commands; however he brings something specific to my attention. 'Jake, you have been unfaithful to your imprint. You have got to make this right or this relationship will be doomed and that better not happen. I told you all along to listen to me Jake. Did you listen? No, you never do.' My wolf chastised. My wolf was right… I didn't respond. I promised myself that I would make things right no matter how difficult it might be.

I carefully removed my arm from around her and gently slipped out of my bed. I went into my bathroom to take a quick shower. I got out, dried myself off and put on a pair of dark, low hug jeans and a new fitted white t-shirt. I looked in the mirror as I brushed my teeth and found myself lost in my memories of Bella.

During the eight years, while Bella had been gone, I never allowed myself to daydream about her finding her way back to me. Entertaining an absurd idea like that would have been torturous.

My night time dreams were another matter altogether. I couldn't control those no matter how hard I tried and believe me when I say… I have had many dreams about Miss Bella Swan. She was usually Bella Black, 'My Bells' in my dreams. I would dream that she had come back to me. I would dream about our life together, our children, our fathers getting back to the way they were before she left and I dreamed of us growing old together – happier than any person has a right to be.

Occasionally, I would have an Isabella Cullen, 'The Bloodsucker' nightmare. On those nights I would wake up in a cold sweat shaking from head to toe. It was a wonder that I never phased right there in my bedroom. I am amazed that I never phased in my sleep, because I phased in every one of those nightmares. In those nightmares, I could never find it in my heart to go after Vampire Bella but I went after Edward Cullen for the kill every single time. I remember once telling Bella that I would fight for her until her heart stopped beating and then I added, 'maybe even then'. Now that I have seen Bella again, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would fight for her whether her heart was beating or not. She is my imprint and I will never let her go again…ever.

I decided to make my way down to the kitchen and make some coffee. I knew that Bella would appreciate a cup when she got up. I quickly made a pot and ate a quick bowl of cereal. I planned to make Bella something to eat as soon as she came down.

When I saw Bella descending my staircase that morning, my heart soared. I remember thinking how surreal all of it seemed. I noticed that her tiny naked body was still wrapped in my cozy blanket. My heart soared at that realization, my wolf however was aroused…very aroused at the thought of her naked body rubbing against my blanket. Her scent was intoxicating and it tantalized both the wolf and the man in me. I felt as though I were in some kind of a fog. I was aching to touch her and dying to hold her.

She looked a little disoriented to me when she reached the bottom of the stairs. The second that she noticed me looking at her from the kitchen, she gave me a shy little smile. It was the same smile that had always driven me crazy. 'We will have to work on this though; there can't be any shyness when it comes to me. I want her to feel completely uninhibited with me.' I thought to myself. I realized just how thankful I was that she was oblivious to the fact that I had witnessed her, 'Dream' from earlier in my bed.

She walked over to where I was standing in the kitchen and stopped. I was trying to stay cool and make her feel as comfortable as possible. 'She had to feel awkward to say the least.' I thought. 'She is walking into my kitchen for the very first time, practically naked.'

I took a sip of my coffee while looking directly into her eyes. I was searching her soul; trying to find the right words to say. I decided that less was better for now. "Hey you." I said. "Hey yourself." Bella replied with a grin. I handed her a cup of steaming hot coffee. I proudly smirked at her and said, "Two creams and one sugar, just the way you like it." She was amazing that I remembered.

We sat there for a few minutes until I finally broke the silence. I smiled and began, "Talk to me Bells."

Sipping on her coffee, she took a couple of minutes to get her thoughts together before she began. Finally, she finished the sentence that she had begun before she passed out in my arms. She told me that she loved me. She apologized for the wrong choices that she had made and asked me to forgive her. I explained that there was nothing to forgive and I made sure that she knew how much I loved her. Bella questioned me about the pain that she had been feeling in her heart and wondered about the pull that was unmistakable between us. When I looked into Bell's eyes, I became aware that she already knew the answers to her own questions. She was basically asking me to confirm the fact that I had indeed imprinted on her. It broke my heart to watch her beat herself up for not realizing it sooner.

As Bella continued explaining what had been going on in her life for the last eight years, I was having a hard time wrapping my head around all that had transpired in her life. She told me that Edward only wanted her for her blood..._**her blood**_. She said that he had been taking blood from her in small doses … _**taking blood from her. **_She said that she was still a virgin and that she and Edward had never had sex. She said he wanted her only for the endless blood supply and nothing more. 'I can't be hearing any of this right. Did she say that the last time Edward bit her; he bit so hard that he broke an artery? What the fuck? My God, My God! I can't risk phasing around Bells…I could hurt her.' I thought.

I felt Bella's tiny little hand holding my large one; she was rubbing tiny soothing circles over my knuckles. I could hear her talking to me in her sweet, soothing voice. I was wrapped in her scent, which was a mixture of strawberries and her unique womanly scent that tantalized every one of my senses. She let me know that she loved me and she trusted me to protect her. She let me know that she was ok, now that we were back together. I began to calm down and the trembling slowed until it was completely gone.

Even though Bella had helped me pull myself together, my heart was still aching for her and I was pissed as hell. I was mad at myself for letting her go away with that bloodsucker. I was pissed at Edward for not taking care of her. The only thing that had kept me going all of these years was the fact that I felt certain that Edward loved her and even though I hated it with a true passion, I was sure that he would always put Bella's safety above all. I always thought that if she wasn't with me, Edward would be the next best person (with the exception of my pact brothers), who cared enough about her to keep her safe from the other bloodsuckers and safe from herself. As I stood there in my kitchen all I could think was, 'I have failed Bella. Fuck…how I could have misjudged Edward so much is beyond me. How could I have trusted a bloodsucker; even for a second.' I was sure that it was one of those vampire gifts that all of the Cullen's seemed to have…making human's trust them, but I should have known better. My senses should have made things perfectly clear to me. What about the Pixie? Where was she during all of this? I thought that she could see the future. I thought that she was Bella's best friend and sister. This is all too much! 'Dear God, Please get us through this.' I prayed.

I kept thinking. 'My poor Bella has been hurt and violated. My mate has been suffering for eight years. I cannot accept this…Edward will pay if it's the last thing that I do. My mate has been wounded and scared from the inside out.' I had to see her scars. I needed to kiss them…my wolf needed to lick them. 'She has to know how beautiful she is to me. I have to give her pleasure, the first pleasure she has ever received from a man.' I told myself. My wolf was raging with more emotions than he could handle, but at he forefront was his desire to have his mate. He wanted to claim her as his own; he wanted to mark his territory. I knew that eventually I would need to explain this to Bells and let him have his way. I also knew that for now, I had to control him.

The minute my shaking subsided I got down on my knees in front of Bella. I held her tiny hands in mine and placed them on my heart as I said, "Bella, honey. I love you so much baby. I want to make love to you more than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life. I want to show you all of the love that I have been holding in my heart for you. I can't even begin to express the emotions that I am feeling. I adore you Bella and I need to show you just how much. Please, trust me enough to show me how Edward hurt you. You are the largest part of me Bells and from this day forward, I promise that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe from harm. I swear to you…Edward will never, ever hurt you again. I will not even allow him to come anywhere near you again. You can count on me Bella, I won't let you down."

I knew that I had tears spilling down my cheeks, but to be honest I didn't care. All that I cared about was helping my Bella heal. She had been broken by that spineless bloodsucker. I will not allow his actions to affect her ever again; I'll do everything in my power to release her from her past. "Bella, I want to heal the wounds on your body and the ones in your heart. You are my entire world and I need to see every part of you, kiss every inch of you and fill you with all of my love. Will you allow me to show you my love Bella?"

Bella's expression was very serious and she seemed very scared to tell me what was on her mind. Waiting for her response was pure torture. She began, "Jake, every part of my body is screaming out for you. I want to share everything with you Jake, I do. I am scared though honey and I am self-conscience about the marks that Edward left on my body."

Hearing Bella say those words broke my heart. She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. There is nothing that could ever change the way that I see her. She is perfect… the most incredible woman in the world. I have always loved and worshiped Bella, even before the imprint. The imprint had only confirmed that I had been right about us all along, by amplifying my wonderfully torturous feeling of love and admiration for her.

I pulled Bella's arm over my shoulder and placed it around my neck. I reached under the backs of her knees with my other arm and picked her up bridal style. I carried her carefully up the staircase towards my bedroom. I said, "Bella, you are beautiful to me. Every time that I see the marks that Edward left on your body, I will love you even more. I'll remember that you trusted me enough to share yourself with me. Your are my imprint and there will never be anything about you that would make me desire you less. Baby, I promise that I will be careful with you and I will respect and obey each and every one of your wishes. I love you Bells."

I felt Bella relax in my arms and in that moment, I knew in my heart that everything was going to be fine. Scratch that… I knew that everything was going to be amazing. I could see in her eyes that she trusted me completely and she needed me in the same ways that I needed her.

We were about half way up the staircase when I realized that I had more things that I wanted to share with her before we made our way up to my room.

Bella had her head buried into my chest and as I stopped she looked up into my face with a look of concern. "What Jake? What's wrong?" She asked. "Oh nothing baby…please don't worry." I began. "There isn't anything wrong. I just realized that I have something that I want to share with you and for some reason I feel that it can't wait." I turned around and sat down on the stairs, still holding her in my arms.

"Baby, you said that you and Edward never had sex during the entire eight years that you were married." I began. "Yes. That is what I said and it is the honest to God's truth. I am still a virgin. I have never been with a man in that way. Edward and I had been together for so long that I honestly thought that I was in a hopeless situation. I had finally accepted the fact that a sexual relationship was something that I would never have. Edward had hurt me in such a way and left so many physical marks on me that I knew I would never share my body with anyone…ever. She continued. "Edward was sure to tell me on a regular basis that no man would ever want to look at my body. He made me feel very ashamed of my body; it was one of the ways he used to control me." She explained.

Hearing the thing that Bella said broke my heart in two. 'How could Edward say those things to my beautiful Bells?' I thought. I continued to reassure her, "Bella, you are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen. I have loved you my entire life Bells. You are the sexiest, most desirable woman that I have ever known. There is nothing about you that could make me love and adore you any less. I will always treasure every part of you. Please baby, don't ever doubt that."

"You know Bella; I loved you even before the imprinting. Hell, I loved you before I knew what love was. We used to spend a lot of time together at the beach growing up, but I will never forget this one day in particular. We were at the beach with our moms, I was seven and you were eight. I don't know if you will remember this day or not but we were looking for sand dollars and I started chasing you. You fell and I got over top of you and started tickling you mercilessly…as I watched you laugh that day, I promised myself that I would marry you one day. I was seven Bella. I don't know anyone else that knew at seven, who that were meant to be with…but I did! You are my life Bella, you always have been. Please don't be scared Honey. I am nothing at all without you Bells; I have proven that over and over again during the past eight years. I feel that my life is finally complete. You complete me Bella."

Bella began, "I remember that day at the beach like it was yesterday Jake. You were always the sunshine in my life. You could make me smile when no one else could. When you looked me in the eyes that day as you were tickling me, I felt that somehow we were connected in that moment. I knew that you would always be the biggest part of my life. I trust you Jake. Take me upstairs."

That was all that I needed to hear from her. I picked her up in my arms and carried her carefully up the stairs to my room. She said, "I love you Jake." I smiled and replied, "I love you too Bells."

Before we reached the top of the staircase I heard a knock at my door. 'Damn, who in the hell could that be.' I thought to myself. I took Bella into my room and set her on my bed. It infuriated me that I had to leave her sitting upstairs by herself but in my profession…when someone calls you answer, she someone comes to the door you answer. Also, with my dad's condition I had to be available in case he needed my assistance.

I opened the door and saw the person standing before me and it caused me to suddenly blurt out in irritation, "What is it?" I thought that I would die when I saw her. It was the worst possible time for company but for this person to show up at my door at this very moment was awful. It was Stephanie Landry. Embry and the guys had introduced me to her one Friday night after work about a month before. The guys from work usually go to Paul's Pub for a couple of beers and some pool on Friday nights after work, those of us who don't have dates anyway. When I met Stephanie I thought that she was an attractive girl; she was full of life and seemed to know how to have fun. I on the other hand never seemed to have any fun. I hadn't had any real fun since the summer before Bells had left.

Stephanie had just finished school to be a Dental Assistant and had landed a job in Forks with Dr. Jenkins. She was excited about her new job and was celebration with some of her girlfriends the night that Embry introduced us. Since then, we had been talking on the phone about twice a week and had gone out about four times this month. I had enjoyed her company, but my gut had been telling me that getting involved with her was a bad idea. Did I listen? Hell no. I can be a stubborn son of a bitch when I want to be.

Stephanie seemed to be way more into me than I was into her. I didn't think that it was that big of a deal though, I thought that I would just see how things played out. Emotionally, I had kept her at arm's length because my heart had always been attached to Bella's, but I had been so tired of spending my time alone and I felt like I should give the relationship some time. I was tired of being alone.

Lately, Stephanie had become very clingy, it was my own damn fault though and my wolf was furious with me…now more than ever. The weekend before Bella came back- which was only four days before, I had sex with Stephanie. I hadn't planned it that way, but evidently in Stephanie's mind; sex was the next step in our relationship. I was just trying to have a real grown up relationship with a woman, so I decided not to think about anything. I decided to just let things happen. We left the restaurant Saturday evening and barely made it to the parking garage before Stephanie practically attacked me. We had sex in the parking garage, again in her car and then…in my house, on my couch.

'Note to self…get rid of the couch.'

Thankfully, the couch was as far as she got. She only stayed for about an hour. Having sex with Stephanie made me feel extremely sick. It left me filled with guilt and regret. I ran upstairs, took a shower and went to bed; praying to God that I wouldn't dream about the nights activities.

Thankfully, God granted me that wish, even though I in no way deserved it.

I don't know why I even brought her here. I built this house for my Bells, I never intended on sharing this place with any other woman…ever. I built this house four years ago, around the time that I decided to give up on women all together. There wasn't anyone out there that compared to my Bells. The nameless women I was sexual with couldn't help me forget about Bells and neither could Stephanie Landry. Yes…it dulled the pain that I was consumed with for a short time but the minute it was over, the pain was ten times worse and saturated with guilt. Believe me, I tried to forget. I tried to forget about Bella for years before I decided that there was no use in trying. She is my imprint! No one could ever compare to her.

I should have known that sex was not a way to move on... especially when you imprinted on your soul mate. I had no clue what else to try though, I was miserably desperate. When Bella left with Edward, I was in an awful emotional state. I slept with quite a few girls…too many. Being with other women was how I tried to hold onto my sanity; it was how I tried to forget about Bella and everything that she meant to me. I never felt an emotional connection with any of the girls that I slept with. They were always one night stand and they were the kind of girls that didn't care whether they received a next day call back or not. I never toyed with anyone's emotions; I was honest about not wanting anything more.

I learned a lot about sex during those four years. I learned how to fulfill women's sexual needs and evidently I was pretty good at it. Even so, these actions left me feeling empty, with a deep sense of regret and dread. My wolf had been busting my balls for being unfaithful to Bella but I fought him back hard because I thought that she was in another man's arms sharing her mind, body and soul with him everyday and every night. Hell, I wasn't even sure if she was still human even. I was an idiot!

When Embry introduced me to Stephanie, it had been four years since I had allowed myself to have that kind of release; with a woman I mean. I thought that maybe I could move on and try to stop living in the past. I thought that if I went through the motions of a normal relationship with this woman, maybe the real feelings would eventually present themselves. I was just so tired of being alone and so tired of people feeling sorry for me. Up until this point, going through the motions wasn't working for me. The only woman that I could ever to see was my Bells. I figured that trying was more than likely pointless, but I told myself that I would give it one last try.

I never told any of my brothers about the imprint, not even my best friend Embry. They only knew how much I loved Bella and that I had been to hurt to move on. That was true, but there was so much more to it than that. My father knew about the imprint and so did the elders, as Alpha it is my responsibility to inform the elders of any imprinting within the pack, including my own. I also explained Bella's plans to them and asked that they please respect my wishes as Alpha and never speak of it again. They have respected my wishes all of these years, but it didn't help me forget Bella in the least.

I knew that Bella didn't expect me to still be a virgin after eight years, but I didn't want to hurt her. I also didn't want her to find out about Stephanie like this. I hate that she had to find out about her at all, but I knew it was inevitable. I wish Bella would have shown up a month ago, we could have at least erased the pain of 'Stephanie' away.

I thought that I would have been given a little more time

to explain the events that had transpired over the past eight years. I wanted to be able to explain things to Bella in my own way. 'No. This visit from Stephanie can only end badly.'

"Stephanie! What are you doing here?" I demanded. She immediately got on the defensive. "I didn't know that I needed a reason to come over Jacob. I wanted to see you." She said. I stood there frozen, fearing what was to come next. I just looked at her, not saying a word. My mind was racing, trying to figure out how in the hell I was going to get out of this situation…and quickly. All I could think about was Bella's feelings and how much I wanted to protect her heart. A that moment Stephanie reached around my waist and gave me a hug, placing her right hand on the small of my back and the other hand much lower.

The connection that Bella and I have is unmistakable. At that moment, I felt a warm sensation in my very soul; but as quickly as the warm feeling came, it disappeared and was replaced with a heart wrenching feeling. My heart fell to the floor because I knew that Bella was in the room with us.

When I left my hands by my sides, not returning Stephanie's hug, she stepped back and looked into my face. She said, "What Jacob? Who's car is that parked at your dad's house? What is going on? Aren't you going to ask me in?" I stepped back away from her, but not enough to let her in my house. "Now, is not a good time Stephanie. We need to talk but you have come at the worst possible time." I explained coldly.

"Jacob, I knew that you had issues and that you had baggage but what in the hell is going on here. What was last weekend?"

'Oh crap! Please don't go there right now. God, please don't let her go there in front of my Bells.' I pleaded silently.

Stephanie continued, "Didn't the intense make-out session we had mean anything to you? We finally had sex Jacob and now you are going to act all weird about it. You seemed extremely happy Saturday after we had sex for our third time that night." As Stephanie began saying all of these things to me, I noticed Bella's heartbeat begin to speed up and my wolf sensed his mate was in extreme pain. My heart sank to my feet. I knew that Bella had heard every single word that had come from Stephanie's mouth and each one of those words had broken her heart.

Stephanie peeked around me and I saw surprise first wash over her face, followed by satisfaction. I turned to look into my Bella's eyes. She was still naked and wrapped in my blanket. The only thing she wore was the silent tear that had fallen down her cheek. That one tear grew into numerous tears and soon they were flowing one after another. 'God…the pain in my heart.' She is my imprint and I can feel every emotion that she feels. Her heartbreak is mine and her joy is mine. Our hearts are tied together and right now I feel as though my heart is being torn out of my chest.

I ran to Bella, leaving Stephanie standing alone at the door. "Bells, I am so sorry honey. I am sorry that you had to find out about her like this, I thought that I would have more time to explain. You are my whole world, you are all I have ever wanted; you are my life. I am so sorry baby. Please don't cry; I can't stand to see you upset baby. I will never forgive myself for the pain I see in your eyes right now." Bella looked up at me and said, "No Jake. This is my fault, this is my fault entirely. I am intruding in on your life. I left you alone eight years ago and I shouldn't have expected you to wait on me. I should go.

I see that you have moved on Jake and I understand. I do…don't even worry about me."

I looked into her big, beautiful brown eyes that were still flowing over with years. Knowing that I couldn't let her take any of the responsibility for my mistakes and fearing that she would walk out my door and never come back. I said, "Bella honey. I love you baby and you are the only one that I have ever loved. I was just trying to dull the pain that I still had after eight years. I was trying to forget the past and move on but my heart would never allow me to do that Bella. It has always been you honey. I could never love or even see anyone else." Stephanie broke in and said, "What in the hell Jake. Who is this? How are you in love when it has only been four days since I saw you last?" I answered Stephanie, ever once moving my eyes from Bella. "This is Bella Swan, Charlie Swan's daughter. I have always been in love with Bells. She has been away for eight years, but she is back and I will never let her go".

Jake continued, "I am sorry Stephanie but I must ask you to leave. I am sorry; I should have never let our relationship go to the next level. It was a mistake to try to forget Bella in the first place. I am sure that there is someone out there that will make you happier than I ever could." I stood up and turned around so that I could send Stephanie away and shut the door. Stephanie looked up at me in disbelief and said, "I wasn't looking for a long time commitment or anything. I thought that we could have some fun together and I know for a fact that I made you feel…" I stopped her from saying anything else that would hurt my Bells any further. "Just leave! Please. It wasn't my intention to hurt you or upset you. I truly am sorry but please…this has to be good-bye." She backed up and I shut my door.

Hi everyone! The next chapter will help you understand what Bella was feeling when she saw and sized up Stephanie. If you didn't notice, there was no description of Stephanie Landry in Jakes POV. I don't want Jake to be able to see other woman the way that everyone else sees them because he has imprinted on Bella and he only has eyes for her now.

I hope you are all enjoying and I want to apologize for taking so long to post this chapter. I was sick and then I just have had so many irons in the fire it was hard to get everything done. Hugs for you all. Let me know what you think…comments are great encouragements to post faster.


	7. Chapter 7 Pt 1'I Deserve this Heartache'

**A BAY WINDOW VIEW**

CHAPTER SEVEN- Part 1

'I Deserve this Heartache'

4,609 words

Bella's POV

When Jacob asked me to trust him enough to show him what Edward had done to me, I thought that I would die. We had quickly become so spiritually connected that he knew my fears before I ever expressed them aloud. Still, I felt that I needed to confide them into him and I knew that in doing so, it would help me to heal as well. I wasn't afraid; I knew in my heart that I could share anything with my Jacob.

Sharing my fears with Jacob came surprisingly easy to me. I knew that he wanted me to trust him and he needed me to allow him to play a major part in my healing process. I knew that Jacob wanted to be intimate with me and although a large part of me was terrified, an even larger part of me wanted him desperately.

Edward had made me feel so incredibly ugly. He left awful scars on my body and invisible scars in my soul. He tore my confidence down leaving me emotionally and physically weak and insecure. Edward told me that no man worth having could even bare to look at my body, let alone touch me. He made me feel ugly and undesired. I had come to terms with the fact that an intimate relationship with a man was never going to happen for me, but now…I wanted nothing more than to share every part of myself with Jake.

Jacob cares deeply for me. The love that he has for me radiates out of each and every one of his pores, it always has. He has always been my own personal sun and I know that he will make my days brighter and brighter until all of the painful memories of Edward are gone.

Jacob, being the wonderful man that he is, gave me the reassuring words that I needed after I confided my fears into him. He made me feel beautiful and desirable. I wanted nothing more than to share myself with him. I said those very words to him and that was all it took.

Looking at him, I couldn't help but wonder why this beautiful man had chosen me. I had always thought that Jake was, 'Sort of Beautiful', but this was beauty on a whole other level. His beauty went much deeper than his outward appearance, he had a beautiful soul and that said a lot because his outward appearance took my breath away. Jake was nothing less than perfect. A description of Jacob's appearance and demeanor would be this…tall, dark, extremely handsome, a body that would make any girl go weak at the knees, a confidence that made you feel like you would always be protected, a perfect smile that caused immediate butterflies, he has a gentle touch yet firm enough to show his full of desire, need and dominance, not arrogant but definitely powerful. What else could a woman ask for?

As I looked into Jake's big brown eyes, I felt as though he could see right into my soul and once again I realized that I was home. Undoubtedly, our hearts were connected but I was drawn to him physically, I honestly wasn't sure how long I would be able to wait to have everything with him. I knew that I could have it tonight if that is what I wanted but I knew that for me, that was too fast.

Everything about Jake made me long to be touched by him. He brought his hand up towards my face and pushed some stray strands of hair behind my ear. Just this simple gesture made my heart speed up. I looked into his face and he smiled at me knowingly. 'Of course he knows what he does to me…wolf senses.' I thought. I couldn't help myself, I drank in his scent. It was tantalizing….a mixture of Curve cologne and a manly, earthy smell that made my desire for him grow more out of control by the second.

Jake sensed that my legs were going to betray me and he caught me around my hips giving me the support I needed to keep my legs from completely giving way. Just his large hands on my hips cause tightness in my stomach that reaches all the way to my core. I was aroused just by his scent but feeling his hands on my hips made me feel as though I might explode in any moment. I knew that Jake could smell my arousal and I imagined that was the reason that his eyes were turning from brown to almost black with need.

Jake lifted me up in his strong arms, as if I were a delicate flower. He lifted me as if I weighed no more than a feather and I realized that to him I must seem as fragile as a china doll. It seemed that his only concern was to protect and care for me. He started to make his way up the staircase to his bedroom with the grace of a panther.

I was feeling very anxious, knowing that I was about to show Jake the scars Edward left on my body and the thought of losing my virginity scared me to death. I wanted to make love to him, but being a virgin I was far from experienced and I really wasn't sure how much it would hurt either. Jacob sensed my anxiety and it subsided when he kissed my forehead and smiled at me with his signature smile. I sank my head into his rock hard chest and let myself melt in his arms.

We had made it half way up the staircase when Jake stopped. I immediately became worried but he reassured me that everything was fine.

He said that he just needed to tell me a few things and he felt they couldn't wait. He turned around where he stood and sat down on the stairs. Holding me in his lap, he began sharing his thoughts with me. He asked me more about my relationship with Edward, or lack there of but he mainly wanted to share a beautiful childhood memory of us. He said that he knew when he was only seven that he would marry me someday. I reflected on the same memory and I let him know that I was ready for him to take me upstairs.

Just as we made it to the top of the staircase, someone began knocking on Jake's door. I looked into Jake's eyes, pleading for him not to answer it. The look that was on his face was a mixture of regret and irritation. He apologized profusely and promised to get rid of whoever was waiting at the door. He sat me down on his king sized bed and proceeded to place open mouthed kisses on my neck. I heard a low growl come from deep within his chest. I leaned my cheek into him and he kissed the top of my head. My arousal was unmistakable and my heart was beating a mile a minute. Jake leaned in to me and said, "You smell so good Bells. I hate that I will be separated from you, even for a moment."

When Jake started to make his way downstairs and toward the front door I began to ache in my chest again. I felt a distinct sense of tension in Jake's home that hadn't been present before. I felt a wave of dread come over me and I realized that I was descending the staircase instinctively. I remember trying to listen closely to make out the strained voices coming from Jake's foyer; I thought that maybe Charlie had found out that I was back in town and came looking for me. I wish that would have been the case.

I stopped short when I saw the face of the person talking to Jake. It was a woman, a beautiful women no doubt. The woman looked to be about twenty-five and I didn't like the way that she was looking at my Jake. She was just outside Jake's front door and she had just reached and put her arms around his waist, letting her right hand slide a little lower which made me realize that she was comfortable being intimate with him. Jake had no physical response, he didn't hug the woman in return, and as a matter of fact he left his arms stiff straight by his sides.

I was frozen in place when I noticed that although Jake's body language told me he wasn't receptive to the gesture, it didn't stop me from being furious. I wondered why he wasn't saying anything…our backing himself away from her.

'How dare she touch my Jake?' I thought. I wanted to cause bodily harm to this woman and I didn't even know who she was. I stood there feeling very vulnerable as I realized that I was at a huge disadvantage considering my state of dress, or lack thereof.

When the woman realized that Jake didn't reciprocate her gestures, she took a step back to look into his face. She demanded to know what was wrong with him, as if she had a right: some kind of prior claim. 'This is not good; I have a bad feeling about his.' I thought to myself. Jake was trying to get rid of her now but she wouldn't have any of that. I heard her ask him about their time together the previous weekend and if it had meant anything to him. He remained silent. My heart began to beat so fast that my ears were ringing and I had know doubt that by now Jake knew I was nearby.

The pounding in my head was almost unbearable and I knew that this was only the beginning. I had a gut feeling that what I was about to witness was going to rip my heart from my chest. I saw Jacob instinctively turn his head slightly to the left and inhale deeply. As he exhaled, his head fell forward confirming that he did know that I was in the room with him. 'This is not good…I need to leave now!' I thought. However, I realized that I didn't even know where Jake had put my clothes. 'I think that leaving naked, wrapped in a blanket would be better than standing here looking at this girl and hearing what she might say. The girl suddenly realized that someone was standing there, but she continued to focus on Jake and she was furious with him. She wanted to know what the hell was going on, but he didn't answer. I heard her inquire about the car that was parked his dad's house, but still there was no response for him. I briefly wondered if Jake was okay due to the lack of response from him but it didn't seem to concern her, she continued with all that she had to say and trust me when I say, it was more than I ever wanted to hear.

She mentioned some apparent make out session that had taken place between them the previous weekend. 'I don't like where this is going…I have to get out of here now. I can not deal with this…any of it!' However, I couldn't make myself move an inch, my legs felt as though they weighed a ton and it seemed that I may be in danger of falling right through the floor… running away in that moment just wasn't a possibility. I thought maybe falling through the floor and landing straight into the bottomless pit of Hell might be an easier walk than what I was fixing to endure. I was not a strong person right now, and I knew that I had limitations and the awareness of that infuriated me greatly. I felt like I was watching a terrible car crash in slow motion.

I couldn't help it though, I began to focus on the conversation that had begun with a 'make out session', which apparently had happened only days before.'

Finally, Jake spoke up. He told her that although he did need to talk to her and explain a few things to her, he really needed her to leave right now. Do you think this woman was going to back down? Hell no, she had plenty to say and she wasn't going to budge.

She told him that she couldn't believe that he was acting this way after they finally had sex. She reminded him of the hours of sex they had on Saturday night. She reminded him that the last time they had sex had been right over there on his couch. 'Oh God! Oh God! I can't wait her another second… I can't listen to another word that comes from this woman's mouth.' She accused him of being just like all the other sorry men in her life who only wanted her for her body. Bam! She had done it…this woman, a stranger to me, had ripped my heart right from my chest. 'How could Jake do this to me? What about the imprinting? Was it all a lie? No, it couldn't be. No Bella! Stop! You left him all alone and broken hearted. He thought that you were happy with Edward…married to Edward.' I knew all of that was true but still, it was killing me. I hadn't been with Edward in that way and I had never been with any other man that way either. It had been naïve of me not to consider the fact that Jake had been with someone during the past eight years. What twenty-five year old man was still a virgin, especially a man with as much sex appeal as Jake? I didn't know a twenty-five year old single woman who hadn't been with several different guys by that age, not to mention the fact that both Rose and Alice had each been with other men before Emmett and Jasper. Of course in Rose and Alice's cases those were men over several centuries. Still…they had been in their twenties when they had lost their virginity.

My mind was reminding me of all of this but it didn't change the way my heart felt. The thought of him with anyone other than me was too much to bear. I knew that this pain wasn't going to go away or even lessen for a long time. I knew that this would be hard for any woman, but I imagined it was extremely intensified for me because of the imprint.

As I stood there watching them, all of these things in my mind. I realized that I had one very hot silent tear falling down my cheek. I was on the verge of breaking down completely. I hated how weak I had become during the eight years I had been away. The old Bella was much stronger and more independent. I wasn't sure that I could handle any of this now. 'Where in the hell could he have put my clothes? Heavy legs or not, I have to leave now…right now!' I thought. I tried to move but it was pointless, my legs were not cooperating which left me no choice other than to remain where I stood.

I knew that I shouldn't do what I was fixing to do but I couldn't help myself. The woman in me had to size up the competition. I started at her feet and worked myself up to her face. She was beautiful… in a Barbie doll sort of way. Not a natural, no make-up needed kind of beauty really, but a beauty all the same. She had long thick hair; it was medium golden blonde in color. She had deep aqua colored eye; the color of the ocean in the Caribbean. She had long, tan legs that were accentuated by the short fitted black pencil skirt and yellow strappy sandals with three inch heels she was wearing. She was wearing a form fitted yellow V-neck sweater that was extremely low-cut. It was painfully obvious that the cleavage that she displayed was meant for Jake's eyes. I remember wondering if this was her everyday attire or if she had in fact dressed this way specifically for Jake's sake. In my mind, in that moment, I knew that I would never be enough for Jake. I could never compete with that woman.

The woman peered around Jake's right shoulder and noticed me standing there and without warning my one single tear turned into a waterfall of tears that were practically cascading down my face. I saw satisfaction flash across the woman's face; almost instantly, Jake turned around and the pain on his face seemed to reflect the pain in my heart. My tears began to fall even faster and there was no stopping them. Jake ran over to where I stood and wrapped me in his warm, strong arms, completely ignoring the fact that Stephanie was in our presence. In that moment it seemed as though Jake and I were in a world where no one else existed. Jake looked into my eyes and began kissing my tears away, causing me to go limp in his arms. He sat on the stair step and lifted me into his lap. He situated me in a way that made it easier for him to look directly into my eyes. He began trying to explain, "Bells, I am so sorry honey. I'm sorry that you had to find out about her like this. You are my world, you are all I have ever wanted; you are my life. I am so sorry baby. Please don't cry; I can't stand to see you upset baby. I will never forgive myself for the pain in your eyes right now." My heart was breaking but I said, "No Jake. This is my fault. I intruded in your life. I left you alone eight years ago. I should go! I see now that you have moved on without me and I understand. Don't even worry about me Jake." I knew that the look in Jake's eyes would haunt me forever. He was scared to death, he felt me slipping away from him and I knew that he was in fear of losing me. He said. "Bella, baby… I love you honey and you are the only one that I have ever loved. I was just trying to dull the pain that I still had after eight years, the pain that I feared would never disappear. I was trying to forget the past and move on. I never in a million years, expected to see you again. I wouldn't allow myself even to hope for that kind of happiness anymore, so I decided to try and settle with someone else. I was tired of being alone, but Bella…my heart would never allow me to move on. It has always been you baby. I could never love or even see anyone else. Don't even think of leaving here, I would just die!"

Stephanie broke in and again demanded to know what in the hell was going on. She wanted to know how he could be in love with someone else when she had just seen him four days ago. She said that she didn't believe that he was even capable of love.

He told her who I was and that he had always been in love with me. Although my heart was breaking at the realization of him being with this woman, his words were like music to my ears. He told her that he never should have let their relationship go so far and that it had been a mistake for him to try to forget me. He told her that he was sure that she would find someone who would make her happier than he ever could. 'As if…' I thought. She will never, in a million years find another man as wonderful as my Jake.

Stephanie held her position, not faltering for even a moment and began to talk about how she had made him feel the past weekend, but Jake stopped her from finishing her thought and made her leave. He told her that he was sorry but that this had to be good-bye. He told her that he would never see her again. From the look on her face, it seemed Stephanie had never been denied her way before. She was furious when Jake practically shut the door in her face.

Jake turned away from the door and started walking slowly in my direction. I was standing there in shock, but found the courage to look up at him. Jake had tears falling over his cheeks now and although my heart wanted to reach out and comfort him; I was frozen still… defeated and broken hearted. I could see the anguish in his eyes and I could feel it in my heart. We were connected in such a way that our emotions reflected each others unmistakably.

I couldn't shake the thought of another woman being in Jake's arms and him being in hers. I felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn't stand the thought that he had given another woman a part of himself that he could never get back, that part of him had been stolen from me forever. It was unfair and I felt robbed. I reminded myself once again that I was the one who had left with Edward and that I didn't give Jake any other choice but to move on. Still, I couldn't help feeling betrayed.

I knew that I had been away for eight years and a lot had probably transpired in his life that I was completely unaware of. I knew that he loved me and that I was irrevocably in love with him, but still I felt a need to proceed with caution. Moments ago, I was ready to let him carry me upstairs and I thought that I was going to give myself to him, but now I feel that it is much too soon. I need to have questions answered and I am scared to death to find out those answers. I just have to remember that whatever Jake's answers are, I am the one who left him here with a broken heart. He had no other choice than to move on with his life. I had to keep reminding myself of that fact for my sake, as well as his.

I know that there is a lot that Jake and I need to learn about one another. We need time to get to know one other again; even though I am his imprint, we should take things slower. As I looked into Jake's beautiful brown tear-filled eyes, I began to ache in my chest. I reached out and started to rub his tears away with my thumbs. He stepped closer and slowly moved in to kiss my now tear stained cheeks.

The pain in my chest was still there but I knew that we were still Jake and Bells. We just had some issues that we had to face, but we could face them together. As if Jake was reading my mind he said, "Bells, baby. I know that you have questions that need to be answered. You need to know that no matter how hard they are to answer, I will always be honest with you. Even if I wanted to lie to you, which I would never do regardless… I couldn't. A wolf can not lie to his imprint ever; he has to give her what she wants. You are my world, my life actually; now that you have come back to me, I could never live without you. You are my every thing... my soul mate. I would rather die than live without you in my life."

I looked up into his pain filled eyes and said, "Jake I need to know…" I couldn't seem to get the words out. Yes, I had to know, but I was scared to death to hear the answers. I began again. "Jake, I left you here alone with a broken heart. I realize that I didn't give you any other option than to move on, but knowing that you did is breaking my heart." Jake interrupted, "I know baby, but you need to understand that I didn't really move on. I am so…" I placed my hand on his lips to stop Jake from speaking. Jake took my hand and kissed the palm of it, sending warmth through my entire body. I continued to be amazed at how I was affected by a single touch from him. His touch gave me the courage to continue. "Please, let me get this out." He simply nodded. "Jake, I know deep down in my soul that there is more that happened in the past eight years, more things that will hurt to hear. I still must hear it all though Jake. There can't be any secrets between us; we can't build a relationship until we lay everything out there to be dealt with; no matter how much it hurts us both." Jake replied, "I know baby, I will be completely honest with you always. I agree with everything you have said, but I am scared to death of what may happen when you hear everything there is to tell." Listening to his words made my heart do a flip flop and I felt Jake tense as he sensed it. As I looked in his eyes, I could see deep down into his soul. I could sense his fear and it scared me to death. I wondered just what I was going to have to come to terms with. I said, "Me too Jake, I am more scared than I have ever been in my life. I will try my best to be understanding Jake. I will love you no matter what, that will never change." I saw a small amount of hope flash in his eyes.

PLEASE, DON'T HATE ME FOR STOPPING HERE!

This is only part 1 out of 3 in Chapter Seven and I promise to work through them as fast as possible so you don't have to wait too long.

I wrote this story years ago, so I am editing, adding and changing some things as I go. I think that I lost a couple chapters toward the end of this story so when I get there I will actually have to rewrite them.

Also, there is a sequel to this story with even more added characters that I love AND more of the pack! The sequel is not complete yet, it is probably over half completed but I know in my mind how it will end so it is just a matter of filling in all the details of the story and putting it all into words. It helps that I am going through all of Bay Window again though because it will help me finish the sequel without missing too many details from past chapters. I know those of you who write know exactly what I am talking about.

It is Sunday afternoon and I am going to take time on this today so maybe I can post Part one and two of chapter 7 today.

Thanks for reading and remember….feedback helps so much, so thanks to those of you who give reviews and to those who send me PMs. You are all awesome!

-HAPPY READING-


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi everyone! The beginning of this chapter retells some of Chapter 7 Part 1. I wanted to give you just a little more detail in Bella's POV. I want you all to feel **

**A BAY WINDOW VIEW**

CHAPTER SEVEN- Part 2

'Dealing with the Pain'

4,704 Words

_This chapter begins after Jake tells Stephanie that it will be the last time they see each other and shuts the door in her face._

Bella's POV

Jake put his arm around me and said, "Come on baby, let's go sit down. 'As if that is going to help me feel differently about my recent revelations.' I kept the thought to myself and tried to give Jake a small smile. He began leading me toward his front living room

to sit on the couch hoping that he could help me relax. Without warning I yelled out, "No Jake! Not in there!" Jake looked at me, his eyes full of confusion and said, "What is it baby, what's wrong?" I looked up at him, knowing that I must have looked a fright and said, "I'm sorry Jake, but I cannot sit in there. I can't bear to look at that couch…let alone sit on it!" I added with disgust. Jake looked up at me knowingly, he had quickly figured out exactly what I was referring to. I could see on his face that he was recalling the exact words that Stephanie had said about the couch. She had reminded him that the last place they'd had sex was on that very couch. There was no way in hell that I was going to go in that room and sit where he had sex with another woman. The thought of it disgusted me, his hands on her naked body and her touching him. Unfortunately, I had seen Stephanie so imagining their recent escapades was effortless; suddenly I found myself unwillingly releasing a whole new collection of tears. I hated to make Jake feel any guiltier than he already was, but I couldn't seem to prevent my thoughts from forming words that escaped my lips without hesitation. I was well aware of the fact that bringing up this subject and becoming so emotional was hard on him but it seemed I was incapable of hiding my feelings from him. We were precisely in tune with one another's emotions regardless, so it would have been pointless to try anyway.

Jake replied, "I am so sorry honey, I wasn't purposely trying to be insensitive. I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing, please forgive me. Don't worry baby. I will remove that couch and you will never have to look at it again. Please baby, come with me."

Jacob lead me into a beautiful room just off from the kitchen. There were windows surrounding the entire room and live green plants everywhere. It was a breakfast room, but it didn't have a table. It was set up more for reading the morning paper and drinking a cup of coffee.

I looked out of the practically floor to ceiling windows and realized that the room extended from the side of the house. One side of the room faced the ocean. The rolling waves were so relaxing to watch, even in the midst of what seemed like hell to me. Watching the waves roll in and out made me think about the fact that no matter how much turmoil or pain a person might be experiencing, they could always count on the constant beauty of nature. The waves would continue to roll, the birds would continue to fly and the sun would rise and fall like clockwork.

I decided to cling on to that thought and remember that no matter how many more things were revealed to me today, like the waves on this beach, our love would never falter. I felt remembering that would help us through the good and the bad, and our relationship would be even stronger because we stuck together in spite of it all.

I made my way further into the room and saw that there were two more sets of windows; one facing a manicured path that lead to Billy's house and the other facing the main road. The view was simply breathtaking. I hadn't seen the rest of the house, but I was certain that this would be one of my favorite rooms. There was a suede oversized buckskin chair in the corner of the room that Jake motioned for me to sit in. He sat opposite me in the matching ottoman.

We sat there looking directly into one another's eyes without saying a word for what seemed like an eternity. It seemed to me that Jake was somehow silently giving me the courage that I needed to begin our conversation. Still looking into his eyes, I could see that he feared what was to come and it scared the hell out of me. All I could think of was that for Jake to be this worried, the answers to my questions must be worse than I imagined and he feared losing me because of them. Our knees were touching and he held my hands in his lap allowing me to feel the slight tremble that was unmistakably caused be fear.

Finally, Jake broke the silence. "Baby, please don't forget what I told you before. Whatever questions you have for me today or any other day, I will answer honestly. I will never lie to you, no matter how much the truth may hurt us both. Do you remember what I told you before? Even if I wanted to lie to you, I couldn't. It would be impossible; the imprinting would never allow it."

I nodded and said, "I understand and I am ready." I watched Jake as he deeply inhaled and then released his breath slowly. "Jake," I began. "I know that you and Stephanie had sex." I paused, trying to gain the courage to go on. Thankfully, he waited patiently. "I need to know if you were in love with her or if she was in love with you."

Jake began to explain. "Bella, you are the only woman that I have ever loved. You are the reason that I am still single; I was never able to see another woman, not in the way that they wanted me to and as far as Stephanie is concerned, I don't think that she loved me; I think that she loved the idea of us being a couple." I replied, "Well Jake, if you weren't in love with her, I need to know how things were between the two of you. I can't go on wondering about things. Imagination can be a good thing but there are times that knowing the truth and dealing with reality makes things much easier." "Honey, the truth is, I still haven't told anyone about my imprinting on you, with the exception of my dad and the council. You know my dad, he is extremely insightful, and he would have figured it out anyway. I had to tell the council because as Alpha it is my responsibility to keep them informed on all that has to do with pack business, including any imprinting that takes place." I nodded and he continued. "I didn't want the rest of the pack giving me hell for not telling you about the imprint, especially Sam, Embry and Quill. They would have really been upset with me; they would have never understood my reasoning. So, what happened was, they became frustrated with me because I would never commit to another woman and they couldn't understand why. I can't tell you how many blind dates I blew off, or how many times I sat politely through a double date, praying that the night would end quickly." Jake looked out at the ocean and then slowly turned back to face me. He held my face in his hands and kissed my forehead; he took a deep breath and began talking again. "Embry introduced Stephanie to me about a month ago. I had been trying to dodge all of the girls that he had been sending my way for the past four years." 'Four years?' I thought to myself, but didn't interrupt. "I remember thinking as he introduced me to her that I was tired of people feeling sorry for me because I was alone, or ragging on me for the same reason. I thought about how tired I was of being alone. I had been watching everyone else around me fall in love and enjoy their lives, while I felt nothing but loss. The loss a month ago had become more apparent to me because you had left with Edward exactly eight years ago, May 3rd." When he paused I realized that I didn't even remember the date that I had left and I was amazed that he had. Jake truly was the strongest man I knew, however when it came to certain things…especially when it came to me, he was the most sensitive man ever. I loved him so much.

Jake interrupted my thoughts to continue. "I decided that Stephanie seemed like a nice enough woman. Embry seemed to like her, so I figured I might as well take her out. I thought that maybe she would be good company and if nothing else it might keep Embry off my back for a while. The day following our first date, I began to think about you, her and where my life was going. I didn't think that you would ever be back in my life again, so I decided to go through the motions of a real adult relationship with her, in hopes that eventually true feelings for her would present themselves. I was trying like hell to forget you Bells and failing miserably." Jake paused and looked out his huge windows again facing the ocean and squeezed his eyes together tightly, as if he were in extreme pain or possibly holding back tears he felt would betray him at any moment. He looked back toward me with glassy eyes and in a strained voice said, "Bells, I am so sorry that I have added to all of the pain you have already had to endure. I know that your life for the last eight years has been nothing but pure torture, but honey I feel that I must try to help you understand."

I looked down at my hands and realized that I had been rubbing them together nervously. Jake placed his beautiful, large hands over my tiny ones to hold them still; he looked up at me with so much worry in his eyes that I thought my heart would break.

He knew that I had more to say, so he began to encourage me with his eyes to continue. "Jake, I saw her." Jake's face automatically creased with worry as he waiting for me to continue. "I saw Stephanie." I said as my tears began to fall again landing on the tops of his hands. "I know what she looks like Jake. She is beautiful, breathtaking actually. I will never measure up to someone like that. Jake, you are used to having an experienced woman on your arm and in your bed." I could barely choke out the words. Jake began holding my hands more firmly, it seemed as though he was trying to keep us physically connected. I continued before he had a chance to say anything. "I am a virgin Jake. I couldn't possibly satisfy your needs the way that she can. I don't know the first thing about sex or how to please you in that way."

I finally paused long enough to let Jake respond. When he did, it was almost in a pleading tone. "Please baby. Please don't worry about anything. Don't ever feel as though you don't measure up. In my opinion, there isn't another woman in the entire world that deserves to even walk in your shadow. You have absolutely no reason to doubt yourself or feel insecure. Bella, you need to know that although my past actions haven't displayed it, our imprint is stronger than any I have seen before. The moment that you returned it began getting stronger until it consumes my entire body, you are in the deepest parts of my soul. I believe that the intensity of our imprinting is due to the fact that I have loved you my entire life. Granted, the imprinting has intensified my feelings for you even more…to a point that you are more important to me than my family, my friends…even myself. I feel everything that you feel, every sensory organ I have is affected by you. Your smell drives me insane; I have longed to taste you from the moment you got here. I am dying to be intimate with you, to make love to you as I have hundreds of times in my dreams. I can hear you from miles away; I heard your heart beating all the way from Charlie's house. Hell, I can practically hear your thoughts. I can see you better than you can see yourself and when I touch you, even if I only brush up against you, the heat that flows through my body and the tingling sensation I get brings me to a full arousal within seconds. I have no idea how I am going to handle that when we are in public." He said. I couldn't help but smile at that thought, but just as quickly as the humor hit me, it was gone.

Jake continued, "Those are all wonderful effects of the imprinting, but for me the most important thing that it did was confirm the fact that I was right about us all along."

I had listened to every word that he said and I knew that it was all true. I whispered, "I know Jake. I am feeling the imprint too and I've been having the same feelings that you are describing." He replied, "I know baby, I have sensed it." He paused. "I know that you have seen Stephanie and the way that she looks but because of the imprint I have never seen her the way that you do. The guys that I know and my pack brothers that haven't imprinted have always gone on about her and I am assuming that you are seeing the same thing that they see, but honestly Bella…since the day that I imprinted on you, I have never seen women the same way. It is almost like I am in a fog when it comes to seeing them or having feelings for the opposite sex. To be even more honest with you, even before the imprint I had no desire to look at other girls in that way…it has always been you in my heart."

Jake continued. "When I was with Stephanie, even when we had sex Saturday, for me it was all just going through the motions. She'd been wanting our relationship to move on to the next level and I had been holding her at arms length. In a weak moment, I let it happen. I have felt the emotions that the pack has during their own sexual encounters and I know how it affected them, but it wasn't the same for me. The sexual release was short lived and it left me feeling nothing but guilt, shame and regret last weekend. I couldn't get Stephanie out of this house fast enough. I had never brought a woman into my home before and last weekend Stephanie never made it past the couch in the front living room.

I remember glancing out the Bay Window, while she was lying back on my couch. I couldn't take my eyes off of our driftwood tree to save my life. I immediately knew that I wasn't ready for all that had happened that night and I came up with an excuse to get her to leave. Bells, I am so sorry. I have made so many choices that were wrong."

We sat there in silence for what seemed like five minutes. I could hear the dread in Jake's voice the second that I heard him speak. "Baby, please talk to me. I know that you have more questions that you need me to answer. I need you to trust in our love and know that we are going to make it through this together." Jake's words gave me the strength that I needed to move forward. I gave him what I feared was a very weak smile and took a deep breath; I dreaded hearing the answers to my next questions. I had a feeling that the pain we would experience as this conversation progressed would increase tremendously, but I trusted Jake when he told me that we could make it through this together.

Again, I sensed Jake's fear growing rapidly. I knew that he was doing his best to be supportive but he knew what my next question would be and it terrified him.

Somehow I found the courage to move forward. "Jake, before Stephanie… were there other woman?" I asked this in barely a whisper however I knew Jake could hear me well. Immediately following my question, Jake's head fell forward and my heart skipped a beat. 'Oh God! Oh God! I don't think that I am ready to hear this. Why in the world did I ask that question?' I thought to myself.

With his head still hanging he began, "Bells, I am so sorry, please forgive me for what I am fixing to tell you." He paused and somehow found the courage to look into my eyes. "I wish that I could say that there weren't other women." My heart fell again, but I let him continue. "I wish like hell that I would have done things differently and made better choices. When you left with Edward I was broken, not only had I lost the girl of my dreams, I had lost my imprint. I never realized what losing you would mean for me. For the first four years after you left I slept with quite a few women." He paused and wiped the tear that had fallen over my cheek. "I am sorry that this hurts you baby, I would give anything to go back in time and change all of this. I would gladly endure any amount of pain that I had to if it would remove the pain I am causing you today." Jake looked out at the ocean before letting his head fall forward again. He looked absolutely as defeated as I felt. I reached out and ran my fingers though the back of his hair. Jake lifted his head back up causing me to let my hands slide down the sides of his neck, over his broad shoulders and down his arms before they fell limp into our laps.

Jake placed his hands on top of mine as he began to explain, "I was careful to spend my time with women who had no desire to be in a relationship. I knew that I didn't want to be in a relationship, I was only trying to fill a void. I was having sex to try and forget you Bella, it was wrong of me but that is what I did. Doing this only numbed my pain in the moment, but at the time I was thankful for the little bit of relief that I felt each time. The problem was that each time it left me feeling worse than I had felt before. For days I would feel consumed with regret, each time telling myself that I wouldn't put myself through it again. However, as time would pass, the pain of losing you would increase until I needed to find another moment of relief. My wolf was furious with me and he fought me every step of this journey. He said that I was betraying my imprint; he said that I was betraying you. I thought that you had given yourself to Edward though, so I fought my wolf hard."

Jake paused and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and gently rubbed my cheek with the backs of his fingers before continuing. "After four years, I decided to stop fighting. Women were no longer a part of my life. I decided to hold you close to my heart and just accept things the way they were. I built this house four years ago, overlooking our sanctuary, our driftwood tree on La Push where it all began. I wanted to be able to look out my Bay Window as many times a day as I wanted and think of you."

I couldn't breathe; the thought of Jake with all of those random women was killing me. Silent tears began to roll down my face. "Jake, this is so difficult. I have so many emotions running through me that it is hard to know how to express them." Jake put his hands on my thighs and rubbed his hands up and down them. Every time Jake touched me I was amazed; the intensity of his touch consumed every part of me. I was able to calmly continue, however the silent tears continued to fall. "You have given a part of yourself away that you can never get back. I should have been the only one privy to that part of you Jake and it hurts like hell to realize that it is gone. I feel like I have a huge hole in me because I have lost a piece of you. I need you to fill that hole for me Jake, please figure out a way to fill it." With tears in his eyes, Jake reached out and placed his hands around my waist and placed his forehead on mine. I could feel his breathe on my face and it relaxed me. He reached with his index finger and lifted my chin slowly so that he could look into my eyes. He said, "Baby, I will fill the hole. Trust me Bella. I will figure out what I need to do to fill it."

A large part of me felt betrayed but I also knew that Jake never expected me to return and he thought that I was happily married to Edward. The truth was that if things had been different, I wouldn't be a virgin today, however I do believe that even from a distance the imprinting would have brought me back to Jake eventually. I had been quiet in my thoughts for several minutes. Suddenly, I thought of something and instead of wondering I just blurted it out, "Jake, did you use protection?" He looked up at me with a puzzled look on his face, I assume that it was the last thing he expected me to ask right now but I wanted to know…I needed to know. Jake replied, "Yes, Bella. I swear… I ALWAYS used protection!" I simply said, "Good."

I got extremely quiet again. Interrupting my thoughts Jake said, "Baby, I'm…" I placed four fingers over Jake's beautiful lips and said, "No, Jake. You are not going to apologize again. You don't have to. I know how you feel Jake, I can feel your every emotion and I know that we will be fine. I won't lie to you Jake, hearing all of this hurts so deeply that I can barely breathe. I just wanted…" Jake interrupted and said, "I know baby, I always thought that we would lose our virginity together, I used to dream about it all the time. You have always been it for me Bella. You know my heart Bells, I just pray that you can find it in yourself to forgive me for all of this." I replied, "Jake, I'm sorry that I don't have very many comforting words for you right now, I am just so overwhelmed. I can promise you though that everything will be okay… we will be okay. Please, try not to worry."

I had something else that I needed to say but I didn't know where to begin. Jake looked at me knowingly, encouraging me to say what was on my mind. I simply nodded my head in understanding and began, "Jake, I need for us to take things slower. I am feeling very insecure about myself right now; I also feel that we need some time to get to know each other again. You know Jake; we are really doing this backwards. We are already madly in love, but we really don't know anything about what has been going on in each others lives while we've been apart. I want to learn all there is to know about you Jake. Do you understand what I am saying?" Jake thought for a moment before he responded. "You are right Bells. It is sort of a new beginning for us. I am actually looking forward to spending hours talking; I want to learn all about you. I want us to share our hopes and dreams with each other. I want to laugh with you and love you. I will wait to be intimate with you baby, as long as you need me to. It may be torture for us both, but I am happy just knowing that our future is together."

As always, Jake had said the right thing. He continued, "My biggest regret is how much you are hurting. I love you so much and I will do anything I can to ease your pain Bells." Jake paused. "Let me hold you baby." I nodded slowly and Jake pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. There was nowhere I would've rather been than in Jake's arms; it was where I was supposed to be. Jake brought his lips down and met mine; I was instantly aroused and as usual Jake knew it. His eyes turned almost black with need.

He pulled away and said, "Bells, I still need to see what Edward did to you baby. It is very important to me honey, will you show me?" I knew that was coming; I knew that Jake felt the need to help me heal and part of that was seeing what Edward had done to me. "Yes Jake. I will show you, but you have to prepare yourself. It is going to be difficult for you to see." I said. "It will be fine baby, please trust me and don't worry. I can't stand to see you worry."

Jake stood up with me in his arms and he started carrying me towards the staircase. I knew where Jake was headed and my heart started to speed up. My body was ready to be with Jake, but I had a lot to deal with and I wasn't sure going to his bedroom was the best idea. "Jake, I…" Jake placed his index finger over my lips and said, "I know baby. I know that you aren't ready to make love. I am in love with you Bells and I am fine with waiting. Trust me when I say though; I am ready when you are. You don't have to worry; you are my imprint and I will know when you are ready. Until then, let me show you how much I love you." I smiled and said, "Okay Jake. I love you too, more than I could ever express. "As Jake carried me up the staircase to his room, I snuggled into the side of his neck. 'God he smells so good it drives me crazy. I don't know how long I will be able to hold out. I am feeling the imprint more and more by the minute and my need for him is almost unbearable.'

I will go now and work on the next chapter. I find myself adding a lot to this story, I hope you enjoy it!

Please comment…I love hearing from you. Thanks to all of you who favorite my story or follow my story or comment. Thank you all for reading!

You are all amazing!


	9. Chapter 9

**A BAY WINDOW VIEW**

CHAPTER SEVEN- Part 3

'Scars from Alaska'

Words

Bella's POV

It felt so unbelievable perfect being in Jake's arms as he carried me up the staircase, heading towards his room. On the other hand, it seemed a little like dejavu' because the last time Jake so lovingly carried me up these stairs, the doorbell rang and what was on the other side of his door managed to tear my heart out.

I shook that thought from my mind and began to recall how much my life had changed during a period of only twenty-four hours. I thought that I was forever doomed to live in Alaska for the rest of my life. I thought that I would be forced to play the perfect wife in public and in front of Edward's family forever, while behind closed doors I would be living in the midst of hell. Edward had been controlling me all along, as if I were a puppet on a string. He knew exactly what he was planning, probably from the first day that he saw me at school; from the first moment he got a whiff of my blood.

I finally understood why he had felt so threatened every time I went to La Push to see Jake. He thought that Jake could potentially destroy his well thought out plan, crush his opportunity to have his cake and eat it too. He could live the lie of a noble son in a prestigious family and still become as strong as a vampire who feeds from humans. It might have been a perfect plan but it was not a flawless plan.

I realize now why Jacob hated Edward so intensely. It wasn't only due to the fact that I had strong feelings for Edward; it was so much more than that. Jake felt a deep sense of danger when I was with Edward. My God, I was completely and irrevocably naïve when it came to Edward. However, I realize that at some point I will have to forgive myself and realize that I paid the price for my mistakes. I will have to convince myself that it is imperative that I let myself move on. I felt with Jake by my side I might actually manage that; he is my strength.

As Jake carried me over the threshold and into his room, I felt a sudden urgency, a strong need to be alone. I had just taken in a lot of information to say the least. I had listened to Jake's confessions and they had been more difficult to hear than I could have ever imagined. I needed some time alone to wrap my head around everything.

I needed to figure out how I felt about everything; I needed to come to terms with all that I had just learned. I knew that I was crazy about Jake and that I was irrevocably in love with him and I was certain that he felt exactly the same way about me.

I swear that Jake could read my mind, because as soon as I finished my last thought. Jake stood me on my feet and said, "Honey. I don't want to be apart from you, not even for a moment but why don't you take a little time for yourself.

I am certain that you are feeling overwhelmed right now and it might help if you were to relax in a bath or take a shower. I looked up at the love of my life and said, "That actually sounds amazing! I think some time for me is exactly what I need and I think that a bath sounds just heavenly." When I looked up at Jake he gave me a beautiful smile. I knew him well though and the smile he had shown

in that moment didn't quite reach his eyes. He actually looked terrified, probably because he didn't know what time alone in my thoughts might mean for him. I gave him an encouraging smile and said, "Please, don't worry Jake." Jake gave me a small nod as he opened the door to the master bathroom.

Wearing nothing but Jake's blanket, I walked into his gorgeous bathroom. It had a large corner Jacuzzi, a walk in shower large enough for four adults, marble floors and beautiful tile work that encircled the entire bathroom. It was truly incredible. Actually, every room that I had seen in his house was beautiful. "Jake, this bathroom is like something out of a dream. Did you design it yourself?" I asked him. "I actually drew the plans for the entire house and did a lot of the work myself. I customized it just the way that I wanted." He said proudly, thankful for a lighter topic. Jake gave me his signature smile, this time part of it reaching his eyes. "Well, it is beautiful Jake. I'm thoroughly impressed." I said.

Jake told me where I could find the necessities for my bath. I was actually really looking forward to this bath. I knew that washing my hair and shaving my legs might actually make me feel human again. Jake passed close behind me, barely brushing against me as he reached for a towel from the linen closet. Just the simple gesture made me heat up all the way to my core, I immediately became moist and blushed at my reaction. Jake spun me around to face him. He gazed down at me with an incredibly sexy smirk on his face. He placed his hand at the base of my neck under my hair as he kissed my nose and placed his forehead on mine. He said, "Baby, you are going to kill me." I blushed causing Jake to life my chin so that he could look into my face; he rubbed his thumb over my lips and kissed them softly. It was a loving kiss; however there was no mistaking the urgency behind it.

Jake laid a towel, brush, hairdryer, razor, new toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter before he started walking towards the door. He turned back to look at me one last time, I could see the agony that consumed him and it broke my heart. He said, "I love you Bells. Please know how much I love you and that from this moment on I vow to protect your heart everyday for the rest of our lives." He gave a small sigh and said, "My bathrobe is on the back of the door. I just washed it this morning. I'll be downstairs of you need me." I replied, "Thanks Jake… I won't be long." I stood there biting my lip as I watched Jake walk out of the bathroom and shut the door.

I stood in the center of Jake's bathroom doing my best to collect my thoughts, suddenly my legs felt very weak and I knew that at any moment they would betray me. I had no doubt Jake would suddenly appear and catch me if that actually happened. It amazed me how truly connected Jake and I had become since I arrived in La Push. I was becoming more in tune with his thoughts and feelings as the hours passed by.

Jake wanted desperately to protect me; he blamed himself for not being there to save me from the torturous hell I had been living in. He blamed himself for everything but I could never hold him responsible for the decisions that I had made. Unfortunately feeling as I did wouldn't stop Jake from placing all the blame on his own shoulders.

I began replaying all the events and conversations of the day. Rehashing it all was another kind of hell for me, not a physical pain like I had experienced in Alaska but a gut wrenching burning sensation that could not be squelched.

Although I knew that it wasn't Jake's fault that he tried to move on when I left with Edward it still hurt beyond words. I had never been with another man before so in a way it felt like Jake had betrayed me. I had to remind myself repeatedly that if Edward would have been the man I thought he was when we left Forks, I wouldn't be a virgin today and Jacob would have been the only one of us in pain.

I couldn't seem to get Stephanie's appearance out of my head; I feared that the vision of her had been etched in my memory forever. I couldn't shake my insecurities that her appearance caused me and those due to my lack of experience. How could I ever be enough for a man like Jake? UGH! 'Bella, you are his imprint. You are everything to him. He doesn't even see that girl the way you see her.' I told myself. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy to shake my insecurities but I had to try.

I thought about his morning and how ready I was to give myself over to Jake completely. Jake was my soul mate and my best friend; way before he imprinted on me he loved me and I loved him. Edward somehow made it hard for me to think clearly, I couldn't even see the deception through my clouded vision.

As I stood there I continued to feel unsure, even though my body was ready, I absolutely craved Jake's touch and I wanted to taste him just as much as he longed to taste me. My body wasn't the issue, it was my mind that held the insecure feelings I was experiencing.

I had originally wanted to take a bath but I decided that I might be on the verge of releasing many emotions and if that were to happen, I thought a shower might muffle the sound. 'As if a shower could tune me out to my wolf.' I thought as I turning the shower on. I set the temperature as warm as I could possibly stand it; I felt the need to wash away all of the remnants from the day.

I let Jake's blanket fall from my body, I could feel the softness glide over every curve of my body. I knew that during the time that I had been away I had blossomed in all of the right places. I knew that if it weren't for the scars left on my body I would have felt like a very sexy woman, but Edward had ruined that for me. Edward almost ruined my entire life.

As the thick blanket had fallen to the floor, I felt as though a small part of the heaviness in my heart had diminished as well. I glanced at myself in the full length mirror that covered the wall behind the corner Jacuzzi before I stepped into the shower. I noticed that the scars on my body had healed with the exception of the one closest to my core…it was still very sore. A single tear fell and rolled down my breast disappearing into my cleavage.

I stepped into the shower and immediately felt the warm, wet heat wash over my body. I stood there letting the water cascade over my head and fall down my back. The steam began to clear my mind a bit; however the relief was only brief before the recollection of memory kicked in. The emotions and the pain that I had been feeling suddenly came to the surface and I began to cry uncontrollably. I scrubbed my body unusually hard, careful of my newest scars. I knew that Jake could hear me, but I couldn't seem to prevent my sobs from escaping my lips. I just hoped that he wouldn't intervene; these were feelings and emotions that I needed to release desperately.

As I cried I played everything back in my mind, this time the visions were more vivid. I remembered the look of satisfaction Stephanie had on her face when she saw me standing there helplessly, while witnessing their torturous conversation. I was wrapped in nothing but Jake's blanket feeling humiliated and inadequate. I would have loved to slap the satisfied expression right off her face; it would have been extremely self-gratifying.

Standing there with water running down my body, I began to pull from my memory all of the things that Jacob had confided in me. They were all things that had happened during the last eight years of his life, things that he obviously felt ashamed of and it pained him greatly to admit them; it pained him to hurt me. I can remember when Jake and I were kids, he could never stand for me to be hurt and when Edward left me, Jake was there to pick up the pieces and help my hurt go away.

Jake is and always has been a wonderful man; I didn't want him to feel pain for the choices that he made while I was gone. Many emotions were apparent on Jake's face when he left the bathroom, but at the surface I saw that he was terrified. I knew that he was worried about what his honesty today would mean for us.

I realized that there was a lot more to Jake than all that I learned today. I was certain that he had accomplished many things and experienced fun and interesting things over the past eight years. I realized that I couldn't wait to hear about it all; I wanted to spend hours talking to him and learning everything there was to know about him.

I was anxious to begin our life together as a couple. Granted, the things that Jake had revealed hurt badly and I couldn't lie to myself or Jake about how it all made me feel, but Jake meant more to me than the pain I was experiencing. I wanted Jake to be happy. 'Be patient Bella… after tonight you will be able to move forward and leave this mess behind.' I thought.

I had reflected over all that was in my mind and heart standing there in the shower; however I was still consumed by more emotions than I could compartmentalize. I cried and cried until I was too exhausted to produce another tear. I turned the water off and watched as my tears combined with the water that magically disappeared down the drain. Watching them wash away seemed to somehow lighten my heart and it helped me realize that letting the pain go, which resembled my tears, would be magical for Jake and I as well. With a lighter heart and soul, I turned the water off, dried off and stepped out of the shower.

It seemed as though I could feel Jake's presence just outside the bathroom door. I decided to push that thought aside; I needed to take a moment to analyze my feelings. I felt I had experienced a cleansing of sorts and an enormous burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I had been alone for at least two hours now and I had much more clarity. I knew that Jacob and I were forever bonded together and I was certain that we could overcome any situation or complication that arose. Jacob had loved me for as long as I could remember and I had loved him within the deepest part of my soul; we were strong when we were together and since the imprint we had become even stronger. I felt very confident and I wanted desperately to convince Jake that he should be too.

I had hurt Jake when I chose to leave with Edward and hearing of everything that had happened in Jake's life while I was away had hurt me but I was ready to move forward and leave the hurt behind us. We had already forgiven each other; now we just had to forgive ourselves.

I would still have to shake my insecurities about feeling sexual inadequate. I was scared to death that my lack of experience would disappoint Jake. 'No. We had to take things slow.' I thought. There was a major problem with taking things slowly though…my sexual attraction for Jacob and his for me was undeniable. Just being in the same room with Jacob was pure torture… his scent, his touch; his very presence turned me inside out. I had a burning sensation between my legs ninety percent of the time when I was in his presence and we were hadn't been more than a room apart since I got here. Neither of us wanted to be alone; I don't even know that it is physically possible. My arousal was no secret to Jake, my wolf had impeccable senses.

I blew my hair dry and put on Jake's bathroom, which fell off one shoulder and lay on the floor completely covering my feet. 'I'm going to have to go shopping soon. I need to get enough things to at least get me by until Esme can get my clothes here from Alaska.' I thought.

I opened the bathroom door and noticed that immediately how incredible Jacob's bedroom smelled. Jake's scent alone made me ache and burn physically…in the most heavenly way possible. I didn't have panties to wear so as I began to pool at my core, I could feel the inside of my legs become very moist. I looked into Jake's face and could have sworn that I saw his nostrils flare a bit as he looked at me with the sexiest smirk I had ever seen. I knew that he was pleased with my reaction.

I was certain that Jake had been listening to me cry and I could tell by looking at him that it had taken a toll on him. His eyes were a little bloodshot and I could have sworn I could hear his heart pounding in his chest from where I stood.

I could smell honey, lemon and tea and realized that Jake, being the wonderful man that he is, had made me a cup of hot tea. I reached out and too the cup, giving his a sweet smile as a way of saying thank you and I immediately saw every muscle in his face, neck and shoulders relax. It warmed my heart to know that we were able to comfort each other with a simple gesture. For a brief moment I was taken back to a time, before Jake had even transformed, when he was they only person who could help me relax and enjoy life. I thought that my life was over and Jake fixed it just like he always did.

Baby, can I do anything to make all of this easier on you?" Jake began as he reached out to set my tea on the nightstand. He took my hand in his and brought them to his mouth, kissing my palms in a soothing yet sensual way. I immediately felt chills form all over my body and couldn't help sucking in a breath of hair.

I wondered if it would always be this way, if he would always have this effect on me. The feeling of arousal was unfamiliar to me… high school was the last time I felt that kind of emotion but it wasn't even a fraction of what I was experiencing.

"Jake, let's sit down for a minute." I said. Jake led me over to the chair in the corner and I asked him to sit down. I wanted to stand eye level to him. I placed a hand on either cheek and I insisted that he look directly into my eyes. I began to explain my feelings, "Jake, when I came back after leaving with Edward, I asked you to forgive me and you told me that there was absolutely nothing to forgive. That was the greatest gift that I have ever received because you and I both know that what I did hurt you more deeply than you have ever been hurt. It wasn't just the imprint Jake, before that I hurt you over and over choosing Edward over you. I will never understand Edward's hold over me but it was my mistake and I am greatly sorry for it."

I paused and then continued, "My point is you forgave me freely, asking for nothing in return. Jake, I am giving you the same gift in return. I hate like hell what we have lost, but what we have together is bigger than this. I am looking forward to a long and beautiful life with you." Jake pulled me into his warm arms; he needed to contact as much as I did. I turned and looked deep into his soul and continued, "I will never leave you. I am bonded to you for the rest of my life, maybe longer. You let me know once that you would love me probably even if my heart stopped beating and I became a vampire; you knew even back then that we would be bonded in life and death."

I had a little more that I need to say. "We are doing this all backward though Jake. We are madly and irrevocably in love with each other, but in reality we haven't know each other for the last eight years. I have no idea what has been going on in your life and you don't know what had been going on in my life. I want us to take some time to get to know each other. I want to be everything with you and know everything about you."

Jake said, "You are right Bells. I want to know about everything about you too. I want to hear all about the accomplishments you have had in your life, I want to hear your hopes and dreams and I want us to build new dreams together as well. I love you Bells and I am excited to get to know you again." He kissed me on the cheek lovingly and fell silent.

It seemed as though five minutes went by. I knew that it was time…he wanted to see what Edward had done to me. I didn't understand why he needed to see it so badly but I was ready to give him what he needed.

I asked him, "Jake, why is it so important to see what Edward had done to me?" He answered, "I just feel a need to do it. I don't know if I am trying to punish myself or if it is just some kind of healing process that I need to experience with you; like you trusting me enough to share your pain with me, so that I can carry part of the burden for you. I'm really not certain but I really need this Bella…can you trust me?" I replied, "Yes. I trust you with my life and I never want to hide any part of myself from you. I just need you to prepare yourself and remember that you are not responsible for any of this. I'm ready."

Jake stood up in front of me and slowly ran his fingers through my hair. He started at my scalp and went all the way to the end of my last layer in one slow motion sending shivers through my entire body.

I knew the timing was completely wrong but I couldn't help the feeling of arousal that this simple gesture gave me. My hair had gotten so long that his hand landed nearly at my waist. He placed his hands low on my hips and I heard a low growl come from deep within his chest. My heart was pounding in my chest and I became a little anxious about Jake seeing me completely nude.

He said, "Bells you are so beautiful. Everything about you calls to me and I want nothing more become familiar with every part of you, your mind as well as your body. I want to feel, kiss and taste every inch of you. I want to be the one to help you feel and experience things that you have never felt. As much as it hurts us both that you won't be my first, I think that it is most important that you are my last. I can't imagine a life without you Bells." Jake paused and placed his large hands over my cheeks. Looking directly into my soul he said, "I will know when you are ready baby, so please don't feel pressured.' I placed my hands over his, which were still on either side of my face. "I know Jake. My body craves to be touched by you, that longing and need is a feeling that I have never experienced before. Every second we are together I want to be touched by you. I don't feel pressured, I trust you completely."

Jake picked me up bridal style and laid me down on his very plush king sized bed. Looking directly into my eyes, never once losing eye contact with me, he slowly untied his bathrobe and pulled one side back leaving one side of my body exposed.

Jacob slowly moved his eyes away from mine, focusing on the bite marks beneath my left breast. He placed hot, wet open mouthed kisses on each of the scars that he found there. I could feel his wet, burning tears landing on my breast but he made no sound. Jake looked into my eyes and leaned over me, again never losing eye contact with me; he licked the tear that was rolling down my breast. I felt aroused once again at an inappropriate time, but it was an intimate moment and the feeling of his love was very apparent. I was sharing the most private parts of myself with him and I couldn't help the feelings that were pouring out of me. I also couldn't help the burning in my core and my desperate need for Jake.

The look in Jacob's eyes was heartbreaking. He was consumed with pain, regret and guilt; it was heart wrenching to see him that way but I figured it was an emotion that he needed to experience. With noticeable pain in his voice he said, "Bella, I am so sorry. I should have never let you leave with him. What in the hell was I thinking? You are my imprint for God's sake…my soul mate. I have failed you Bells and I can't understand your willingness to forgive me for this."

His pain produced tears in my eyes ran freely from my eyes into my hair. I said, "You are not to blame for this. You told me yourself that when a wolf imprints, he has to be whatever she needs for him to be for her. You sacrificed your wants and desires so that I could have what I wanted. You did that to make me happy Jake."

"My sweet Bella…" With those words, Jake placed his face down on my stomach and shook his head back and forth. I could feel his hot breath on my skin and the constant tears of pain were burning my skin. I could barely make out what he said as he began speaking again. "Baby, you might forgive me for this, you may not even think there is anything to forgive, but I will never forgive myself for as long as I live." I pulled his head up to mine and placed kisses all over his beautiful face, our tears now mixing together. I ran my fingers through his hair and simply said, "Shhhhh."

Jake raised himself up and opened the right side of his robe leaving me completely exposed. He said, "Bells, you are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen." One tear slipped from my eye this time but I said nothing.

Jake knelt over me, one knee on either side of my body.

They were located at the pulse point, the closest scar to my core. Jakes tears landed between my legs this time and I could feel them mixing with the moisture coming from my slick folds. Jake looked up questioning me if it was okay to continue. I picked myself up on my elbows and simply nodded, opening my legs to give him easier access. I craved his touch.

I bent my head backwards and squeezed my eyes tightly in anticipation. Jake moved himself to where he was laying between my legs and gently said, "I need you to open your eyes for me baby." I nodded and obeyed his wish. Jake was still completely dressed with exception of his shoes and socks. I knew that this night was all about me. I sat up and reached over his back, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor.

Jake was absolutely gorgeous, just his russet colored skin that covered his beautiful sculpted muscles were more than I could stand. He had perfectly sculpted abs, his neck, chest and shoulders were strong and mouthwatering and his pecks were rock hard but the skin was soft to the touch. I wanted nothing more than to lick every inch of his delectable body, but it was obvious that Jake wanted to be in control; he wanted to be the one doing the pleasing tonight.

I lifted my hands up and ran my fingers down his chest, grazing his hard nipple in the process. Jake's eyes rolled back in his head and I heard the growl come from his chest once again. He took hold of my hands and laid them down by my sides. I complied even thought I desperately wanted to follow the trail line of dark hair that went beyond his low hung jeans.

He looked at me and said, "Baby, this is about you. He settled back between my legs and he began placing warm, gentle kisses up the center of my thighs, making his way to my very core. He said, "Baby, I would really like for you to watch me." I got back up on my elbows so that I could watch. His tongue drifted right past my slick folds and into my core. I could feel the pool of moisture between my legs. Jake looked up at me and said, "You have always smelled so good to me Bells. I have wanted to taste you for literally most of my life. You taste amazing, so sweet and so wet. I swear I could do this all night long. I replied, "Please Jake…don't stop. It is pure torture, but I would just die if you stopped."

That was all he needed to hear from me. Jake lifted my legs over his shoulders. He told me how beautiful my lips were and said that he was going to make me feel things that I had never felt before. I couldn't wait for what he had in store for me; his words made me want this even more.

Jake lifted himself a little and he began massaging a bundle of nerves he found with his tongue; I honestly didn't even know they existed but I was thankful Jake knew because was the most wonderful sensation I had ever experienced in my life. I could feel Jake smiling between my legs as I began to mine. In that moment Jake reached under me and grabbed my ass causing me to come unglued. Jake continued to massage my new found nerves with his tongue as he entered a finger into my core. I immediately tensed every muscle in my body, completely unsure and trying to decide whether it felt good or hurt. Jake didn't remove his finger but he didn't move it and began placing sweet kisses on my mound. I immediately relaxed my muscles. He said, "You are so tight Bells, just try to relax for me." I had to ask, "Is it bad that I'm tight?" He answered, "No baby. It is perfect. I love you Bells."

He continued massaging my bundle of nerves with his tongue as he slowly entered a second finger. I ran my fingers through his hair and began to feel as though I was leaving my body. Jake reached up and began rubbing one of my nipples as he entered a third finger never missing a beat. He was moving his fingers in and out at a constant speed while continually massaging my nerves expertly. The feeling of it all was incredible. I felt as though I had climbed up a roller coaster, I reached the top and then rushed down. I closed my eyes and saw bright vibrant colors behind my eyelids. My heart was racing at a fast pace and so hard that I thought my chest would explode.

In that moment I dug my fingernails into his muscular back knowing full well that I was leaving marks. I involuntarily yelled out, "Don't stop Jake. Please, Please, Please don't stop!" He replied, "I'm not going to…don't worry." I moaned, "Oh, Dear God Jake." I was breathing so hard that I could visibly watch my breasts heaving as my chest moved up and down. My breathing gradually slowed down and my entire body felt weighted down, even my arms were heavy and I couldn't have begun to try to stand on my shaking legs.

"What in the hell was that Jake?" I asked. He looked at me with a shit eating grin on his face and said, "You have never had an orgasm before Bells? I mean not even by yourself." I answered, "Definitely not, but I am ready to have another one." He smiled and said, "Okay baby."

Jacob kept his word and as soon as I had the second orgasm of my life, I was out like a light. I had never been happier in my entire life and I knew that I was exactly where I belonged.

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Hugs to all my wolfgirls!


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